The TimePass of India

So coming to the show in the title - for guys who have been living under a rock, or dont have friends who will share their netflix passwords - Indian Matchmaking is a Netflix original that follows the adventures of Sima Taparia (from Mumbai) a matchmaker who goes around matching profiles (which is commendable as she doesnt use Microsoft Excel to filter out things like height of the girl should be more than 5'3') It just showed up on my recommended shows. Now I am not the kind who watches these type of shows, but I have some respect for the Netflix algo esp after it recommended Joe Exotic in the peak of the lockdown and my wife and I were mindblown by how cringe-worthy and binge-worthy that show was - something we would never watch even with a gun to our heads, but we did & loved it, a good week before it blew up on twitter. 

There was a time when I was a big supporter of Arranged marriages - In a way I still am, it works beautifully for kids (note I said kids) who have usually lived a sheltered life, dont understand what they want from life or what life wants from them (the toughest part, even for grown-ups). It helps bring in combined experiences of parents, uncles & aunts a sort of bonding exercise between the family where they analyze pictures of prospective spouses, predict their nature looking at the shape of their nose, predict earning potential based on their CAT percentile, look at their parents' degrees and hope  they live on the western line south of Borivali. 

The error with this type of matchmaking is, esp if one has crossed the "approved" marry-able age of 25 for girls and 30 for boys - is that there is a dash to the finish. The whole process is corporate-ized, there is pressure to run through as many profiles as possible, the sanskari version of swiping right.

Human beings are like Onions. There is a core, then there are layers. The layers are what gets written on the profile - Anju likes game nights & travelling to Bolivia. Varun likes the show Seinfeld, and is Marvel fanboy. Anju doesnt want her Husband to be a smoker. Varun doesnt want his wife to a meat consumer. Anju likes cats. Varun likes comedy nights with Kapil. 

What gets mentioned on the profile means nothing. Once Anju begins her consulting job, maybe she wont want to travel so much, Varun might pick up taste for sushi on that official trip to Tokyo, you never know - but the core values dont change. 

Core values - Varun is an introvert, likes sometime off everyday for himself. Anju needs to be praised for every new endeavor she takes up for her to feel good. But these things dont sound good on a profile, probably because a profile is a dressed up version of who you are - the main reason I feel that if you arent a good reader of people, you might never be able to understand what that person, with whom you are planning an entire life together, is actually like. 

When I was in the 9th standard, I remember talking to my wife (who wasnt my wife then) and feeling good about myself and the world. In a self made promise that only a dumb 15 year old could make, I told myself, one day I should marry a girl like her. "Like her", not her, as if she was a type & there were a hundred more like her. 

Between that day and before we actually got dating, there were other women who impressed me, most of them were super educated (I dont know anyone who has dated as many PhDs as I have). One of them, (this is before my current (& only) wife had started dating) impressed me crazy, she was the only girl who knew as much about sitcoms and I did, understood cricket, had an opinion on most arts, was incredibly funny but, and that is a big but, had a temper from hell & a fuse that was extremely short. We were set up by common friends, our own Sima aunties so to speak, they thought we would hit it off & hit it off we did, but had there been family pressure and only 1 month to close that deal (if we can call it that) it would have been a disaster. 

The point that I am making is, match making is extremely primitive in this world. Sima Taparia whose only excellence should be to read people and understand compatibility (apart sorting candidates by height without using MS Excel), she ends up doing a real shoddy job. Even us as viewers dont understand why few pairs who seemed such a good fit, didnt click (Like for eg that Nadia girl and that other boy with the horse face) - the reason for this obviously is that none of us are looking at their core values, we are just interested on how people are like on the surface (I am looking at you Pradhyuman) 

This is what I suggest a scoring mechanism to improve this process -

- 1 hour questionnaire (psychometric in nature) to be filled by all parties who are involved, including nanaji (if applicable or alive)

- A set of 5 interview questions  to be chosen from a question bank of 50 odd deep questions that will help identify the core (these questions to be chosen by the client - which are compulsorily to be asked before setting up a meeting)

- Horoscope reading (this is a part of the scoring mechanism)

Have a cut off compatibility score and dont set people up if they dont clear the score. Keep updating the algo behind the scoring & this is how we will finally end up with much happier and stronger relationships. 

You are welcome.