10 real dumb things to do in Mumbai

I was wondering what dumb things can one do in Mumbai. I dont know why I was wondering about it. I guess, I have too much free time. So here is a list of 10 really dumb things to do in Mumbai. If you have done dumber things, please mention it in the comments.

1. Take S.V road near Andheri or Tulsi pipe road on a weekday between 8.30 am to 10.30 pm. One summer afternoon, I took an autorickshaw from andheri Station to my college at SP via S.V. Road. It took me 30 minutes to cover 200 meters on S.V. road. I got down from the rickshaw after 30 minutes, walked 600 more meters and reached my college.
There will be a day when people will meet on S.V. Road, get married, have children and die all on S.V. Road.

2. Take the Virar fast from Dadar when you have to get down at Andheri.
I once took it, and repented it for the rest of my life. When I wanted to get out at Andheri, I asked a bhaiyya standing in front of me -
"Bhaiyya, Andheri utarna hai kya?"
"Arre yeh Virar train hai, ismein Andheri mein utarna mana hai..."
When girls in germany would ask me if I ever got in a fight, I would think about that day and say - yes.
And yes, I did get down at Andheri.

3. Call any marathi guy a "bhaiyya". All around India, "bhaiyya" stands for big brother. It is respectful way of addressing someone. But not in Mumbai. Not in Mumbai.

4. Riding a bike without a helmet. YOU.WILL.GET.CAUGHT.

5. Not stopping at a red signal. While all over India, it's accepted to break traffic rules, they are taken very seriously here in Mumbai. Dont do it.

6. Going to see Lalbaug's Raja on the 10th day of Ganpati. The line outside is so long it goes on for miles. It is crazy. Children get lost, some get interchanged, it's all good.

7. Say bad things about Sachin Tendulkar while travelling in a local train. You will get BASHED, thrown out of the train etc.

8. Asking a cabbie or a rickshaw - "Bandra jaaneka hai.. kitna lega?" He wont charge you more but you might get a curt reply - "Mumbai mein naya aayela hai kya?"
This is the only city in India in which the cabs run on the meter. THE ONLY CITY.

9. Asking - "What is that smell?"
Well, every area here smells of something. The air here is composed of 50% Nitrogen, 15% Oxygen and rest 25% is the smell. It can be anything from rock salt, burning tyres, decaying vegetables, or just good old body odour. Mostly it is a mixture of it all. So dont ask "What is that smell?" There is no right answer to it.

10. Not bargaining with the guys at hill road and fashion street. You HAVE to bargain. If you dont want to bargain, go to a mall to buy stuff. Or, get ready to pay 900 Rupees (15 Euros) for a pair of boxer shorts.

So that's my list. What is your list?
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14 letters to the editor:

    Hilarious post.

    You might want to redo the maths on Point No. 9 though.

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    On June 26, 2011 at 9:16 PM     
    Anonymous said...

    I so so so so want to be in that city

    On June 27, 2011 at 12:53 AM     
    Anonymous said...

    strangely enough, I myself have never done dumber things in mumbai! :)

    On June 27, 2011 at 1:03 PM     
    Madhuri said...

    Stand near the door of a local train when its Holi :-)

    On June 27, 2011 at 4:21 PM     
    Dibzzi said...

    Eat pani-puri from every thela possible and build ur immune system,its the best way to good health :)

    On June 27, 2011 at 6:51 PM     
    shruti said...

    Try walking on the roads near the Andheri station and around Bhavans campus during rains. Even 10 min of rains creates the view of floods and u will never try to walk again in those areas and will always go for the ricks and yes even the place like Borivali serve the chaats on the roads at 12am-1am..

    On June 28, 2011 at 12:03 PM     

    I remember one related to local... Asking for fourth seat in first class...
    And likewise, not allowing fourth seat in second class...
    You are destined to get 'looks' if you do one of these thing...

    On July 1, 2011 at 7:51 PM     
    gkam said...

    I've done number two (OK, that does not sound right)

    I've boarded the virar fast from bandra to get down at andheri... no, wait it gets dumber... at 5.45pm rush hour... on a weekday!

    Beat that! :P

    Love the name, man... And thanks for recognizing the typo, but I am too lazy to change it yaar..

    I love the 2 am wala point.. I used to brag about it to my non-Mumbaikar friends including Europeans :)

    You should come here

    Dude, you ahve to come here once..

    Hahaa.. didnt think about that!

    Super point! My doctor mom never allowed me to and she put it really bad images in my head, i cant eat pani puri at the thela.. :)

    I know!

    hahaaa.. got point..

    On July 7, 2011 at 2:20 PM     
    Atrisa said...

    That's a rather...unusual concept for a post!

    Just curious, if you call them bhaiyya, what do they interpret? And what substitute word must one use?

    I agree with you on point 9 so much I want to kiss the hands that wrote it.

    On July 11, 2011 at 8:14 PM     
    Harsh said...

    Go for an outing .. and that too without an umbrella :P ;)

    @Atrisa: You call them kaka, mama, baba, bhau, dada, but never call them bhaiya
    And yes, my hand is right here..

    Good one..

    On October 20, 2012 at 1:10 PM     
    Anonymous said...

    :-) plan to travel 2 different suburban locations in one day!!
    I bet I'll kill or self in the end, frustrated by the fact that u cudn't do justice to anything!!
    If u r in andheri then plan ur day only 4 andheri!!! Don't think of catching up any another fun event in colaba or smwhr