Day 1:
Dear diary, I was so happy when I was inside, now I am out and it is kinda cold and bright outside. Met many strange people today. So tired. Need to sleep.
Day 5:
Have moved to a new enclosure. The bed is much larger and there is this lady who is at my beck and call 24 hours of the day. I am going to call her lunchbox. I like her obedience towards me. I am mighty pleased. But that doesn’t mean I wont cry my lungs out tonight. Will keep you posted
Day 7:
Dear diary, this is kinda embarrassing, I farted today. I think all the strange people in this house heard me and clapped and laughed like it’s some kinda miracle. I am beginning to like these guys
Day 8:
Today a strange man came. He looks eager to please. I like his service. He walks around the house at night to calm me down. Yes, I get very cranky. As eager to please as this workforce is, its not at all skilled. Communication skills need to be improved. They need to understand what I want and when I want it.
Day 10:
I like lunchbox lady. Every time I start crying I get fed. It is a lot of work for me but good to see that at least she gets me. The strange man has left today. I need to avail the services of another old human.
Day 11:
I think I got named today. They kept saying a name in my ear. It hasn’t even registered.
Day 12:
Dear Diary, I need to learn how to fart like a lady. Awkward!
Day 13:
Had a lot of gas last night. I think it might be my sedentary lifestyle. I don’t like that crying is not included as exercise in this part of the world.
Day 15:
Strange man has returned. I am beginning to see a pattern here. I think he’s here every 7 days or so. I heard someone call him daddy. I don’t know whose daddy he is, but he surely is a good ride. I am going to summon his services at 3 in the night today.
Day 16:
Such a busy day today was. I cried for 2 hours, then slept, then fed on the lunchbox lady for 1 hour, then slept, summoned the services of that daddy guy in the night and walked for 1 hour. So much calories have been burnt today I cant tell you.
Day 17:
Farted and burped at the same time today coz #YOLO
Day 18:
I did potty on the lunchbox lady today. Good fun happened. ROFLzzz!
Day 20:
I think that lunchbox lady has a name. Amma I think she wants to be called. Anyway, had a little game with her. Had potty in the diaper and started crying, she cleaned me and as she walked to the cupboard to get a clean diaper, I did Potty #2. Trust me diary, when you are just 20 days old it is not easy to potty on demand. The lunchbox used to smile when I used to do potty in the first week, now she doesn’t seem amused. Maybe I should increase my output. LOLzzz!
Day 22:
Saw the so called daddy make so called amma laugh. They were completely ignoring me and talking amongst themselves like normal people! I have a feeling that these two might have known each other for quite some time. But diary, I don’t like this union-baazi in my empire. I cried just in time and made them break their jolly gathering.
Day 23:
Dear Diary, I am in love. My boyfriend is the fan. He is there for me whenever I need him. Lunchbox amma has been working fine but recently that daddy guy has been corrupting her work ethic I feel. I should make him walk 2 hours tonight. But yes, the fan. He follows me to every room. Also he’s so cool. I have learnt to smile and all my smiles will be reserved for my sweetheart – the fan.
Day 24:
I did potty on daddy guy. After he changed his shirt, I did susu on him. This has been a productive day
Day 26:
Have realized there are many more people in this house. Amma lunchbox and daddy guy must be 100 years old. There are also their father and mother and one more lady (her greatgrandmother) who seems the most experienced. I don’t think she has been floored by my charm yet. She is on the radar though.
Day 28:
Got my ears pierced. I think I look awesome. There some friends of the adult humans coming tonight and I have nothing to wear! God! All they have been dressing me in is onezies! What is this? 1997? #fashionista
Day 29:
I hate massages. No diary, its not like the Swedish massage they show on TV. Theres this moushi lady who comes and just polishes me with oil. And so much exercise! I hate taking baths also. When I don’t get dirty at all apart from the occasional potty and susu (occasional meaning once every 3 hours), why do I need to take a bath? My boyfriend, the fan seems helpless in front of these people. He would have saved me from them if he could.
Day 30
Just realized potty and party sound the same. Giggled for 15 minutes straight. Amma lady kissed me and laughed too. Would like to abolish this kissing routine and have a more formal way of appreciating me, like a salute or something.
Day 33:
Met the children doctor today. He’s actually old too. Like as old as Daddy guy – 100 years, give or take a few. By children doctor I thought he must be a child with a stethoscope or something. Haha. I giggled another 15 minutes today. So funny I am. Don’t like the doctor one bit. He’s uncouth. Makes me touch my head to my knees and looks at amma and says - See, such a good baby! - like I was some kinda of paneer tikka. Cant wait to have Paneer Tikka.
Day 38:
Will people stop smelling my head already?
Day 40:
Talked to the fan for 1 hours before sleeping. I think I am in love. Daddy guy also said he loves me. I must be doing everything right else why would everybody fall for me like this. XOXO!
Day 42:
I have now done susu on everybody who stays under this roof. I feel 2 feet tall tonight.
Day 43:
I don’t like this mid-meal burping business this amma lady does. It’s like being at an all you can eat buffet and then being taken mid way into a sales meeting. I cry loudly and let my disagreement known, but for all the obedience, amma lady seems to take a lot of decisions on her own. I don’t like this defiance one bit.
Day 44:
Stop kissing my forehead in my sleep yougaiyzzz…
Day 45:
God, gained 600 gms since birth! I should ask the lunchbox lady if she has a low fat option for me.
Day 46:
Daddy fellow is eating my fingers and toes. I would have stopped him if it wasn’t SO MUCH fun.
Day 49:
This daddy guy and amma lady seem to be good friends. Chatterboxes ruining my beauty sleep. Shutuppp and give your attention to me!
Day 50:
Dear diary, it’s been 50 days. I can positively say that I have been pleased by the service rendered by these guys, esp amma lady lunchbox. I have many more kingdoms to annex. But right now, its 3 am and I have to wake up every person in the house coz that’s how I roll! XOXO
Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary
Current Issues:
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg)
Sunny said...
Thanks for sharing this.... Truly AWESOME..
swathi said...
Lovely😊
Anonymous said...
very nice.. really enjoyed reading it.
beautiful writeup.
Anonymous said...
So touching this is
Can relate it ...
Anonymous said...
Very nice
Anonymous said...
Beauty!!
Samkit Shah said...
Very very entertaining. looking forward to Day 51 - Day 100 ;)
Unknown said...
Toooo funny
Anonymous said...
This is simply awesome :) Mr/Ms Author, hats off to your thoughts, I absolutely enjoyed this blog. This made my day :)
Sensible said...
Its awsm. :-D Especially d character of fan as a boyfriend :-P
Sensible said...
Its. Awsm.. Especially d character of fan as a boyfriend :-D
Anonymous said...
Story of any new mom/dad.. Brilliantly penned..
Unknown said...
Good one..Thoroughly enjoyed it and relived those days :)
Anonymous said...
Way too good
Anonymous said...
ONE WORD...AWSOME
Sowsheelya said...
Enjoyed every bit of it
K R Narayanan said...
Excellent ,realistic autobiography so to say! Very enjoyable reading.We have a granddaughter, nearly 3months old,& every bit of what is written is actually happening !
Anonymous said...
Such beautiful write up.. Great work
Anonymous said...
Excellent narration....Good Job
shikha said...
Hahaha.... the lunchbox lady!!!
shikha said...
I love the lunchbox lady... hahaha
Anonymous said...
Oh god i havent laughed like this in a long time, thanks a lot guy.
Anonymous said...
Superb
Unknown said...
Too good
Unknown said...
Too good
Anonymous said...
I can't tell you how much I can relate to this being the mother of a 46 baby girl.. Fan is indeed her boyfriend and today just when I went to grab a diaper, she peed again..had extreme fun reading this.. Your post is a great blend of humour and reality.. God bless!
Anonymous said...
wow.... what an amazing feeling after reading this dairy.. :)
Anonymous said...
This autography of a just born is simply amazing and hilarious.well written. Now that i read this and i am pregnant, i cant stop imagining what my baby must be thinking ...lol.
Unknown said...
Awesome....:-)
meeta said...
My baby turns 103 days today ...and before reading this I was actually thinking something like this...write up something for him....well....when he is 50 days old apart from fan..cupboard is fav. Girl Girlfriend as it wear maroon..;-) and now he has a gang of naughty frds like wall clock. .switch board. ..curtains. ..photo frame. ..tv...fan is like his ex...
Ps. I found ur link on baby center. .and we all r enjoying reading ur blog...thanks btw to laugh (not smile) us...
Anonymous said...
loved it :)
Anonymous said...
Hahaha. . Good one... loved it
Unknown said...
Simply Superb..
Anonymous said...
Too good :)
Creativity's zest!!! said...
I just recalled every single day with Sasha.Loved the way it was put across. I now wonder if she was actually thinking this way all through???
Unknown said...
Still 85 to go..... Can't wait to have my baby :-)
Pratichi said...
Superb :)
Keiko Kitagawa (Ita) said...
this good very nice your baby.. really enjoyed reading it. :)
Unborn Child said...
Superb, Amazing, Hilarious, Nostalgic :D Enjoyed each line of it...
Abhijit V. Deshpande said...
As always.. You rock dude... Perfectly put.. All new parents can relate to this...
Ujala said...
Superb it is, waiting for next 50 days :)
Tanvi Desai said...
Superb......like d buzzword represented lunch box and most favorite is day 23...boyfriend
DiDo said...
I am sure you all love this read as well ... Written by DiDo's Angle in Nov 15.
Unknown said...
Wonderful expresses the real feeling of a newborn
DEEPENDRA SINGH PATEL said...
So nice...really awesome...ur writing skills are surprising...
Farzana Mukadam said...
Very well described new born feelings