The TimePass of India

I turned 40 last month. Yes, the big 4-O. They say 40 is the new 30 or whatever seems to be the age when people call you young. I “celebrated” my birthday in Berlin – I use inverted commas coz I don’t think I celebrated it as much as I just roamed around the streets, sat down in cafés I thought were too expensive when I was last there as a student. I did touristy things that I couldn’t afford like having dinner in the rotating TV tower restaurant with wife who 14 years ago was my girlfriend. I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, but boy some touristy stuff in Berlin is expensive – like Dubai on steroids expensive!

As I grow older, and I look at my friends I realize how lucky I have gotten. I don’t particularly consider myself lucky. I think for the 75% of my very eventful life, things were very difficult, almost unfair. I know some people have it worse, I got everything I wanted but it took some effort – and by some, I mean a lot.

My favourite wife’s (also only wife) favourite saying is – Life can only be understood backwards. She’s had this as her email signature ever since she was 20 years old! I don’t know how I managed to impress her enough to marry me coz when I was 20, my email signature was – The more cheese is there, the more holes are there, the more holes are there the less cheese is there. So the more cheese is there the less cheese is there!

Ah romance king only I tell you!

But honestly, now I am just starting to get a gist of what that line means - the line about life backwards, not the cheese one.

I believe that in the future (within our lifetime) even if we aren’t able to time travel, we will be able to send information back into the past – it wont be details like what stock is going to 100x or what team to bet on in the IPL (any team but RCB), it will be things like sending indications about what businesses to get into, what people to stay away from and what woman to chase – maybe it already happens, coz sometimes something just feels right, no?

So this is my message in a bottle back to the 20 year old I was once. He has lived 50% of my life, the tough 50% - need to give him pointers. We are the heroes our younger self needed. And now we are here. So here goes. (I wrote something similar when I was 29 – read it here)

10 things that the 40 year old me, wants to tell the 20 year old me.

1. The future is good. I know currently it feels like everything is falling apart. It’s tough. We love movies about a fight back, ever wondered why? We are fighters – its in our blood. Watch this movie called Cinderella man – has it released yet in your time? And then watch this movie – Fandry – its been our favourite movie for 15 years now.

2. Exercise – I know its boring but we need to do it sometime and you better do it, coz I am lazy. Also eat more and pack some nuts and some juice and stuff. Spend more on your body. I promise you that I will also do a better job for the 60 year old me.

3.What is the purpose of life? I know this question bothers you. (Man, u are deep for a 20 year old!) 

The purpose of life is to have more like you – it’s an exercise in making world a better place – paying it forward. Living a good life is important, its also simple (note I said simple, not easy)

4.A good life is composed of good women, good weather, good bread, good beer and wine, and a new addition – good kids. 

What great women we have met! And the best one we married. You want a hint? Remember that day in the 9^th standard, just before Diwali vacations – you saw this girl and said to yourself – If I get this type of girl I will marry her! 

Apparently she’s the only 1 her type and we marry her. Well, technically I marry her, but you will be me soon.

5.And what kids we have! The middle one especially. 

Yes like every good story we have 3 acts (kids). 

The eldest one is carbon copy almost, the middle one we are figuring out what trail mix she is and the youngest one is a mixture of the first two. You know the saying the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Well I don’t think  we can predict what kind of fruit will fall from the tree – sometimes its apple, sometimes it bananas and other times Oranges. 

All different but all equally sweet.

6.The next 20 years will be great for cricket. 

What close encounters, what finishes – like the T20 World cup (yes that’s a thing now). 

You will see the first one – that last over in the 2007 T20 WC. Also in the next few years that catch by SKY on the boundary. SKY is a cricketer, you don’t know him – in your time he’s in the 5^th standard.

7.Career wise its been tough for you, I know. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t . At least not immediately. We keep fighting for a long, long time. And then slowly it gets better. And how!

8.You will get into really good schools – always like the second last seat or something. At the end of the graduation, you will end-up in the top - just out of sheer hard work. 

But you will still end up with the lowest salary in class. It would take us years, but we will reach the top. I know you don’t care much for money, this is where we have been wrong. Maybe this is why it took so long to come to us.

9.People are born with preconceived notions, habits, skillsets – in the debate about nature vs nurture, Nature reigns supreme. 

We get these from our DNA, past births, experiences of our great grandparents. It all filters through to make us. 

Something in us makes us incredibly frugal. I have always spent less money on myself than I deserved. Walked kms to save some change, ate the same falafel sandwich to save money (would buy 2+1 free and eat it for all 3 meals). Some of this poverty attitude took away from vacations, luxury items, nice things for the wife and kids. 

Now its much better. 

One of the happiest days in my life is when in an expensive restaurant my wife tells me that she doesn’t look at the right side of the menu since the last few years. 

10.Remember how we love all things German? We end up buying multiple German cars. 

I did something recently for the 10 year old us – I bought a Mercedes Convertible. Its a 2-seater just like we wanted to buy! 

Its like falling in love everyday. There are fewer things more satisfying than driving that car top down on a cool Winter afternoon!

So that's all I wanted to tell you - I am not sure if all this actually is of any help. But hope this backwards information about life makes you feel better and brings you some clarity. 

Love & best of luck, 

40 year old Arshat!

10 things I want to tell the 20 year old me