Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts

10 things I want to tell the 20 year old me

 

I turned 40 last month. Yes, the big 4-O. They say 40 is the new 30 or whatever seems to be the age when people call you young. I “celebrated” my birthday in Berlin – I use inverted commas coz I don’t think I celebrated it as much as I just roamed around the streets, sat down in cafés I thought were too expensive when I was last there as a student. I did touristy things that I couldn’t afford like having dinner in the rotating TV tower restaurant with wife who 14 years ago was my girlfriend. I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, but boy some touristy stuff in Berlin is expensive – like Dubai on steroids expensive!

As I grow older, and I look at my friends I realize how lucky I have gotten. I don’t particularly consider myself lucky. I think for the 75% of my very eventful life, things were very difficult, almost unfair. I know some people have it worse, I got everything I wanted but it took some effort – and by some, I mean a lot.

My favourite wife’s (also only wife) favourite saying is – Life can only be understood backwards. She’s had this as her email signature ever since she was 20 years old! I don’t know how I managed to impress her enough to marry me coz when I was 20, my email signature was – The more cheese is there, the more holes are there, the more holes are there the less cheese is there. So the more cheese is there the less cheese is there!

Ah romance king only I tell you!

But honestly, now I am just starting to get a gist of what that line means - the line about life backwards, not the cheese one.

I believe that in the future (within our lifetime) even if we aren’t able to time travel, we will be able to send information back into the past – it wont be details like what stock is going to 100x or what team to bet on in the IPL (any team but RCB), it will be things like sending indications about what businesses to get into, what people to stay away from and what woman to chase – maybe it already happens, coz sometimes something just feels right, no?

So this is my message in a bottle back to the 20 year old I was once. He has lived 50% of my life, the tough 50% - need to give him pointers. We are the heroes our younger self needed. And now we are here. So here goes. (I wrote something similar when I was 29 – read it here)

10 things that the 40 year old me, wants to tell the 20 year old me.

1. The future is good. I know currently it feels like everything is falling apart. It’s tough. We love movies about a fight back, ever wondered why? We are fighters – its in our blood. Watch this movie called Cinderella man – has it released yet in your time? And then watch this movie – Fandry – its been our favourite movie for 15 years now.

2. Exercise – I know its boring but we need to do it sometime and you better do it, coz I am lazy. Also eat more and pack some nuts and some juice and stuff. Spend more on your body. I promise you that I will also do a better job for the 60 year old me.

3.What is the purpose of life? I know this question bothers you. (Man, u are deep for a 20 year old!) 

The purpose of life is to have more like you – it’s an exercise in making world a better place – paying it forward. Living a good life is important, its also simple (note I said simple, not easy)

4.A good life is composed of good women, good weather, good bread, good beer and wine, and a new addition – good kids. 

What great women we have met! And the best one we married. You want a hint? Remember that day in the 9th standard, just before Diwali vacations – you saw this girl and said to yourself – If I get this type of girl I will marry her! 

Apparently she’s the only 1 her type and we marry her. Well, technically I marry her, but you will be me soon.

5.And what kids we have! The middle one especially. 

Yes like every good story we have 3 acts (kids). 

The eldest one is carbon copy almost, the middle one we are figuring out what trail mix she is and the youngest one is a mixture of the first two. You know the saying the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Well I don’t think  we can predict what kind of fruit will fall from the tree – sometimes its apple, sometimes it bananas and other times Oranges. 

All different but all equally sweet.

6.The next 20 years will be great for cricket. 

What close encounters, what finishes – like the T20 World cup (yes that’s a thing now). 

You will see the first one – that last over in the 2007 T20 WC. Also in the next few years that catch by SKY on the boundary. SKY is a cricketer, you don’t know him – in your time he’s in the 5th standard.

7.Career wise its been tough for you, I know. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t . At least not immediately. We keep fighting for a long, long time. And then slowly it gets better. And how!

8.You will get into really good schools – always like the second last seat or something. At the end of the graduation, you will end-up in the top - just out of sheer hard work. 

But you will still end up with the lowest salary in class. It would take us years, but we will reach the top. I know you don’t care much for money, this is where we have been wrong. Maybe this is why it took so long to come to us.

9.People are born with preconceived notions, habits, skillsets – in the debate about nature vs nurture, Nature reigns supreme. 

We get these from our DNA, past births, experiences of our great grandparents. It all filters through to make us. 

Something in us makes us incredibly frugal. I have always spent less money on myself than I deserved. Walked kms to save some change, ate the same falafel sandwich to save money (would buy 2+1 free and eat it for all 3 meals). Some of this poverty attitude took away from vacations, luxury items, nice things for the wife and kids. 

Now its much better. 

One of the happiest days in my life is when in an expensive restaurant my wife tells me that she doesn’t look at the right side of the menu since the last few years. 

10.Remember how we love all things German? We end up buying multiple German cars. 

I did something recently for the 10 year old us – I bought a Mercedes Convertible. Its a 2-seater just like we wanted to buy! 

Its like falling in love everyday. There are fewer things more satisfying than driving that car top down on a cool Winter afternoon!


So that's all I wanted to tell you - I am not sure if all this actually is of any help. But hope this backwards information about life makes you feel better and brings you some clarity. 

So thank you for everything you have done till now. Right now, I wouldn’t wanna be you but I wouldn’t be me, if at some point in my life I hadn’t been you. So, thank you.

Love & best of luck, 

40 year old Arshat!

 

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A letter to my just born son...

Hi baby, 


This is the first time I am calling a boy - baby. Seems kinda weird to be very honest. I wrote a letter to both your akkas - Pranaya (read here) & Aainee (read here) when they were born. And I knew I had to write one for you. 


I am writing this as your mom is getting ready to bring you in the world - this process, which I have been witness to 2 times already scares me, and makes me respect your amma even more - but scares me for the most part, like if she can take that amount of pain, she can kick my butt if shit ever went down. 


We have been ready for a long time for you, son. When I was growing up, pretty early I knew I wanted a son - someone to share the life with, someone to teach all the guy things one a man learns over time - things about women, wine, beer, bread, work, purpose of life, did I mention women? I think all men start out wanting sons, I always thought daughters would be a lot of work (this part is not true) & you have to constantly look out for them (this part is true) - but the part that I didnt realize is how beautiful my life would get with two daughters.


A friend once asked what is the test of the fact that you are in love - I said if you happen to think about someone more than 17 times a day, you are in love! (Tune in to my daily gyaan sessions on youtube). I think about Pranaya & Aainee a lot more times than that every day. One day you will fall in love with a woman and feel love cant get deeper than that, wait till you have daughters - that love is something different. 


I am lucky to have such amazing women in my life - I am using the word "women" for Pranaya and Aainee coz thats what they are - you should see how they talk! Pranaya is a lot like me, it's like living my childhood again through her - in that sense, she is lucky too - to have a parent who completely understands how she's wired and understand the things that pain her or bring her joy. Aainee, we are still trying to figure out where her source code comes from! She is nothing like any of us, not like the parents, or grandparents or her sister - she is the spice in our very low sodium lives. 


Your sisters are flowers. There are times when I am looking at them paint, or make something with clay and they look at me, my heart skips a beat - it's different from how one falls in love with a woman, but still same same. Do you understand? See? How this letter has become about them?


The other day someone asked me what does it take to be a good father? <Start of gyaan sesh> I said two things  - Indulgence & sacrifice. Indulgence is getting to understand them, involve them in your world, get involved in theirs, be less grown up and more growing up - with them. Sacrifice is the easy bit, it is automatic and doesnt even feel like a sacrifice at the time. <End of gyaan sesh>





It is 6 am on a slightly chilly Dubai morning. You came into the world crying and punching arms to the background of "Eye of the Tiger" (in my head). 


I am writing this after you have arrived in our lives -  all pink (& for some reason angry, like an Irishman). I can't tell you how happy I am, son, that you are here - one very important reason is of course, now the attention of your amma & akkas will get diverted to your misdoings and I will be free to do as I like (or at least that's how it is in my head). Also, I didnt want one more girl come into my family and tell me how I do things wrong - the women lobby in the house is strong as it is (this is also why I call your akkas "women").


I was the first Chaudhary son in my generation and you are the first in yours. Men like us have a great responsibility. For years the Chaudhary name has stood for sacrifice, hard work, leadership & an inexplicable charm - all Chaudharys have it - both your akkas (esp the smaller one) have it. I have it (obviously), how else do you think I got your amma to marry me? You, my son, have a responsibility towards that name.


I am writing this now because when you are 14, I will be 50 & you might think I am not as cool as I used to be. Then you will turn 21 & realize I am cool again & it is amazing how I have changed in 7 years. Jokes apart, I am writing to tell you that I might not be always right about everything. My understanding of the world is mine, it is coloured by my experiences of the world. I might, in my good natured naivety, feel that something you want to do is wrong - be kind to me & remember that your father is also bound to errors.


The men from my father's generation were the last who got to be men. The men in my generation have had it slightly tougher (because no wet towels allowed on the bed), for your generation it might be even more. Some men have it easier than others, some are born into wealth others have influential parents, things that are not in your control and their is no sense feeling jealous about it or worrying about it. Kids born in the most expensive of hospitals, in temperature controlled delivery rooms cry when they are born & so do the ones who are born in poor neighbourhood in the heat & dust. The lives we are given always seem more difficult than they are. If you think something is not right, go ahead and make it right.


Then there will be times in life when it will seem that you made a choice, a bet that didnt pay off. In times like these you might doubt yourself - To that I tell you, forget what the world is telling you - what magazines tell you or what the newspaper tells you - these are just words on a paper - they dont mean anything till you give them meaning. Forget what your friends are telling you, they have seen only as much of life as you, they dont know more, or better.  


My advice to you son, for times like this is - Do whatever feels right to do. And do not what doesnt. 


This advice applies, not to everyone but a few - it is applicable to those men only who are made right by the creator, coder, if you like - and you are the very best he created. I know it, and if you ever doubt it, read this letter again - I hope it gives you confidence and helps you become an even better man.


I wish you all the happiness & joy. I wish for you a courageous heart & hope that you find love in this world. Love, courage, happiness & hope in your heart, my child, will lead you a long way. 


Lovingly, 


Daddy


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Tiny Feet...

There was a time when I had just fallen in love with your mother, everything I said, or did, even when she wasnt around, made me think of her. That happens even today, but I also end up thinking about you a lot.

When your bua & I were growing up, I got annoyed at your baba because of his biased love for his daughter. Nothing annoys me as much as unfair treatment. I thought, I will be more fair. When you were born a girl, I was sure I will maintain certain fairness. I will be a firm dad. Firm and fair. But now that you are only 16 months old, I already find myself giving way. 

Back in the day I wrote about love, life, engineering, you know, things that I frequently thought about. Now, since my life revolves around you, I end up writing only for you. I wanted to do a Kuch Kuch hota hai and write you one letter for every birthday, but that didnt work very well for Rani Mukherjee, also, it would be super cheesy. So I decided I will write to you whenever you are not around, like today.

Of all the women I have swept off their feet, you have been by far the most difficult, also, I am not really sure if you have been swept off your feet yet. You are easy to love. You are a good girl. I dont say that because you are my daughter. If there were 20 kids playing in a park and I had to choose one, I would choose you. 

There is a saying in Marathi "Balache pay palnyat distat" (Baby's feet are visible in the cradle) which implies that you can make out how a person is going to turn out even when they are really little. You manifest what's good in both your amma and daddy. You are considerate and giving like your amma. Your resilience & never say die attitude is clearly a Chaudhary trait. Yes, that's a thing. You also have what I like to call - the Chaudhary charm. All Chaudharys have it in varying degrees. You clearly are in the top quarter.

The day you called me Dadda, makes my top 3 most happy days list, right up there with the day your amma said that she wanted to spend her life with me & the day she told me I was going to be a dad. I always wondered what is the big deal about getting called Daddy was. I have thought about this and this is what I have come up with - We spend all our lives wanting to belong. We want to be a part of something. That is why we like rock bands and football clubs and feel a kinship to others who like the same groups as us.We want to be loved and desired. We want to know what other people say about us & if they like us. Having your baby love you back, just fulfils that need of belonging like nothing else. You feel complete. You belong to some one and someone belongs to you. That has to be satisfying.

The thing I love the most about myself is also what I love about you the most. The other day you wanted to play with my cellphone. I placed it on the sofa away from you. You quietly walked up to it to get a hold of it, just as you were within touching distance, I picked it up and placed it away from you on the floor. You quietly started walking towards the phone. Once you were near, I picked it up and placed it on the sofa again. I did this again and again. And it made me proud when I got tired and you didnt. Finally I had to hand the phone to you. I love your resilience. 

Achieving Happiness is like meeting you sales targets - there is nothing special you can do to meet your sales targets, you just ensure that you do the basics right and hope for the best. Same with happiness.

I hope you dont have to worry about the silly stuff in life and you keep doing the basics right. Your tiny feet give me enough idea on what you are going to be like... And I cant wait to get to know you better.

Love, 
Dadda

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Diaper Rash cream song

This is a guest post by my daughter. I first thought what would she know, but then she knows some mean shortcuts. That day she pressed 3 random keys and the display on the laptop got inverted by 180 degrees. She also has shortcuts to delete a file permanently and change the layout of a ppt. So I assumed this super sharp baby should be allowed to share her thoughts with other babies. So here goes -

Hi,

I just turned 9 months old. I was under the impression that I was 18 months old, someone then told me I am not allowed to count the time I spent in my mom's tummy. That sucks. This advice would have sounded sagely coming from a much older baby.

I recommend you hear the original here.


Newborns of 2015,

Wear Diaper Rash cream.

If I could Offer you one tip for the future.... Diaper Rash cream would be IT. The long term benefits of  Diaper Rash cream  have been proved by mothers. Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own soft bottom. 

I will dispense this advice now 

Refuse to eat whatever is being presented to you.  Eat from Daddy's plate instead. Don't let him eat. remember you are growing up, he's just growing old.

Point at crows, pigeons, stray dogs and make noises like you are challenging them to a fight. When the dog starts walking towards you, get very scared and hide in Daddy's arms. 

Repeat.

Lick mom's cheek whenever she lets her guard down.  

Pick dirty from every nick and corner of the furniture and taste it.

There will be a very small window between changing diapers. Make sure you do potty/susu right then. It requires the concentration of a sage and the stomach muscles of a samurai. Practice will make perfect. 

Dont worry if you miss it by a few seconds, you will get them next time.

Cry.

Wipe runny nose on daddy's shirt when he's not looking. Don't sleep when it is sleepy time. Cry if someone tries to get you to sleep.

Get exercise. This is the only time in your lives when exercise is someone massaging you with oil.

Do.not.let.them.touch.your.head.It's.sacred.

Maybe you crawl, maybe you wont. Maybe you lay there comfortable, maybe you get scared by a balloon. Whatever you do, dont forget you cry you get fed.

Fart.

Play with Daddy's phone. Play with Mommy's phone.

Press random keys while they are working on the laptop. 10 years from now, they wont remember the worksheets you accidentally deleted.

Compel adults to learn to understand your language. Make an effort to understand theirs.

Drool.

Touch everything you arent supposed to. Throw caution to the winds. 

Wake up 3 times a night. 

Put your finger inside daddy's nostril. 

But trust me on the Diaper Rash Cream.






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Diary of a 100 day old baby...



Day 51: Dear diary, what great 50 days it has been. I have got amma lady lunchbox attending me all 160 hours of the day, I don’t really know how many hours there are in a day, I fall asleep a lot, to keep any track of time, you see…

Day 52: Dear Diary, I had my first heartbreak today. I am no more in love with my boyfriend - the fan. We broke up. I asked him where our relationship was heading. He just went on and on in circles. Now that my heart is broken, I don’t think I will find my love again. I am going to cry myself to sleep tonight. (which is something I do every night actually)

Day 53: Diary! I have found the love of my life. He is my new boyfriend - the curtain. He talks to me and tries to reach out to me. I have learnt to coo and all my coos, oohs and aahs will be reserved for my boyfriend – the curtain. XOXO!

Day 54: Daddy Strange guy has been in and out of my life and what he lacks in skill he compensates in his eagerness to please me. All the other people in the house also do their bit. It pleases me to see such a unskilled but willing workforce work for me. 

Day 55: Daddy strange man came today and spent first 42 mins kissing me. Okay, it might be lesser, I have no idea how long a minute is. Who wants to be kissed? I want him to clean my potty. It is not going to clean itself now, is it!

Day 57: My nails are so dirty. I need a manicure. I wanted to put my fingers in my mouth the other day and almost stopped - looking at my dirty nails - But of course, I put it in my mouth anyway coz #YOLO

Day 58: Daddy guy eats my fingers every chance he gets. But he doesn’t allow me to do it. I think he’s being selfish. He wants to eat my fingers all by himself.

Day 60: Something annoying happened last night. My tummy was acting up, you know how it is, with a liquid diet… So I summoned daddy guy’s services and after 1 hour of walking me around the house, he sat down – LIKE ON A CHAIR! In the middle of taking me on the walk! I mean how dare he! I created a ruckus and he got up and started to walk again tiredly. But tell you what he is going to think 10 times the next time he wants to sit even in his office chair. #Likeaboss

Day 62: Went to a new house. Apparently daddy strange guy also had a daddy...and a mommy and a house! I am gonna call them aaji-baba, coz they asked me to. Nice chaps. Welcomed me with garlands and balloons. Why u no do this everyday?

Day 63: Amma lady gave me a manicure today. Good. I am pleased. I am having "fingers" for dessert tonight...

Day 66: Dear diary, you wouldn’t believe what I saw today! These adult humans have a window screen on which you can see people dancing and singing. Then there are car chases and fights and so much fun things. 

Day 69: Do you have those afternoon naps when you wake up and wonder what year it is? That is every nap of my life.

Day 70: Now that I have found the window, I am wondering why do we need daddy guy. I get much needed entertainment from the window screen. The feeding department is taken care by amma lady lunchbox. The caretaking by other ladies in the house. What is really Daddy guy's function in all of this I wonder!

Day 71: Travelled in a car through lots of dark holes in mountains to arrive at Daddy guy's house in Pune. These guys seem pretty well to do yaar, I wouldnt have thought he was much good for anything...

Day 72: Took a huge dump today. Like a nuclear U298 enriched dump. My room now smells like a mix of baby powder, baby lotion and rotten cabbage. #instapotty

Day 73: Diary, these humans have a day and a night! Who knew! I think night is the time to wake up and day is the time to sleep. I might be wrong… Ha! Who am I kidding, I am never wrong! #SWAG.

Day 74: Attended a wedding today, someone Amma lunchbox knows. Totally stole the bride’s thunder. #babymaid

Day 75: Was talking to my boyfriend the curtain and smiling at his flying stories when daddy guy came in the room. By mistake smiled at him. He was very happy. Next time I smile at Daddy will be when I am 13 years old and need a new dress.

Day 78: Something incredible happened today, diary. Some friends of the adult humans had come and they brought with them a BABY! WHAT?  Can you believe it? There are more than one of me? He was very wise and we talked a little and shared notes. He said I should be on my best behavior when adult humans have their friends over and once they are gone we can order them around. I was like – puhleaseee, tell me something I don’t know!

Day 81: Laughed looking at my hand for 15 minutes today. My fingers are so damn funnnnyyyy…

Day 82: Went to the children doctor today. I found more babies there. You know diary, I feel silly now to think tht I was the only baby in the world. Of course, one baby alone cant rule the world like this. We need at least 5-6 babies.

Day 83: Got my first frock today. Aghhh.. About time!! God knows I am tired of those onezies! #fashionista

Day 84: The first few days of my life are a blur. No literally, I couldn’t focus my eyes well. I can focus much better now. Daddy strange guy has a lot more body hair than amma lunchbox. Daddy could never make a chef, they would invariably find at least one hair in every dish. #masterchefbaby

Day 87: Amma lady gives a lot of importance to daddy guy, undeserved of course! They talk to each other for minutes together! Even when my pretty self is right next to them! What is there to talk so much! (Dad: Wait till you reach teenage and I ask you the same thing.)

Day 88: These adult human don’t drink food like I do. They put food in their mouth and gulp it. If I have to point out one reason for babies ruling adults around the world, it has to be their uncouth eating habits!

Day 90: Celeberated my first Vishu at amma lady's place. They call it the new year. What it has been a year already? Seems much less for some reason.

Day 92: Got a injection today. Didn’t cry at all. #fearlessbaby (actually got distracted by the rattle amma lady was rattling)

Day 93: Moushi lady polished me with olive oil. Cried my lungs out. Now I smell like pasta and daddy guy is eating my hand. Go eat some of your uncouth food and gulp it down, DADDY GUY!

Day 95: Daddy guy was making Amma lady laugh. I farted and both of them looked at me and laughed their lungs out. #Lastcomicfarting

Day 97: Diary, it is so hot nowadays. But I don’t like baths. I am in a tough situation here.

Day 98: Slept like a baby last night, which is good coz that’s what I am #funpun

Day 99: I throw a smile or two every now and then at amma lady lunchbox, but not too much lest she get complacent. Very pleased with her work so far. Her life finds meaning  because of my smile. #Oshobaby

Day 100: Dear diary, I completed 100 days. I feel like a successful movie. My life really is a disney movie. I am a princess surrounded by simple folk and the curtain prince. Everybody loves me and I of course take advantage of it. Life is beautiful... Now if you excuse me, I have to watch some window screen.
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