The TimePass of India

Crimson Lights..Oh so few,
Mumbai has a lot more, but this feels new...
Long flights bore me, but not today..
Fulltoo enthu I am, as my craft lands on the runway..
Cold mornings, Lazy afternoons wait along...
Home away from home, here I come.

I got to visit Nagpur this weekend. There was a wedding in the family. I reached Nagpur airport on Friday night 3 hrs late than scheduled!

I thought of these lines(calling it a poem would be like calling Sunny Deol a Pole dancer) when I was looking down the window of my Business class seat.. And the mention of the Business class is to..er..well..brag :P

I have been working(?) for the past 5 months and I needed a break big time...
So how was my trip? Well amazing and hectic!
2 days of my stay there involved a lot of travelling... We(my parents and me) had to rush to Wardha* as soon as we landed at Nagpur.
We reached there after the guests had left...The groom was slightly miffed..but wht to do! All the flights were late tht day!
(*Wardha is 75 kms from Nagpur. Wardha is known for Sewagram where Gandhiji spent a lot of time.)

I love the winters...esp when I dont have to get up early. So its fun when u get to visit some place coz then u can stay late in bed.


One of my friends who stays in the US once told me that she would find it difficult to stay in Mulund, coz she had grown up to the idea of living in a small town... Now I can decipher what she meant by tht... I mean, life here is so cool.. 9 am isnt rush hour,its just morning ... 5 pm isnt the time to drive into a traffic jam , its time to go home... No one seems to wanna get anywhere here. Life assumes a natural pace here.

Homes here are like they shud be...with a small lawn and a porch in front of the house... and a Bajaj Chetak or a Hero Honda splendor parked in the porch.And most of them have a terrace, from where u could see kids playing cricket (and blatantly twisting the rules in the favour of the kid who owns the bat and the stumps).
If you have time, which in all likelihood you do when you r in a small town, you can enjoy watching the sun set and wonder where does it go at night.. If you still manage to bore yourself, you can read the Marathi dailies tht u thought never existed. Or you could also watch Doordarshan and reminisce of the good old times when we didnt have a choice and waited an entire week for the Saturday night movie. I would be amazed if anyone says that they can watch an entire movie on TV nowadays..


One more thing I like love about my native is the kind of food you get... I mean, its not very rich or anything, but it tastes very different from the stuff we get here in Mumbai. Plus when you r touring your native, like I was, there r no fixed eating times. That means, every time is eating time. My mom, a doctor by profession, obviously doesnt approve of such a haphazard eating schedule, but wht to do...when u r driving from ur dad's friends place to ur aunt's place, u
have to go by their schedules...

Afternoons here are so lazy... You lay back in your chair and wonder why the sky's so blue...why is the grass so green...and why is it so cold outside at 3 in the afternoon..why is it tht I dont lie down like this more often..Why cant life be this simple...Why do I have to leave for mumbai tomorrow...Would I wanna stay here all my life...Is this how it feels when you are home? Am I home? Is this home..?



Crimson lights, they so many..
Aint I supposed to like tht? I find it so funny...
Phils and Philosophies I leave for another day..
I am now coming back home, my craft lands on the runway..
Cold mornings, Lazy afternoons long gone..
Ladies and gentlemen, I am back home... Nagpur-Wardha-Nagpur-Mumbai

If there's no drama and negativity in my life, all my songs will be really boring or something...
-Eminem


Its weird what ppl do when they are pushed...Like in engg in Mumbai university. I wont say engineering in Mumbai univ is more difficult than other universities. But there are many associated factors which make it difficult. Take for instance, travelling. 4 hrs of travelling to college is not a regular affair in every city. But in Mumbai its what most Tom, Dick and Patils do... There are many other distractions tht a city like Mumbai wud offer, but lets not go there...

My point is, we (engg students) tend to make our lives difficult by erratic planning and idiotic schedules... Our Professors dont help our case much...They screw us with even more erratic planning of their own... So u may have to complete 4 assignments in one day or complete two practicals in 2 hours with the readings and all....

Its weird what ppl do when they are pushed... Some of them fall...Others look for support... Some fall in love (which is not even love, subject of another post) , some take up nicotine, some alcohol and some others find solace in music...

Now this isnt the music they used to listen to as kids... This music is different...

The genre of music they listen to depends on wht engg they are doing, i mean the field they are specializing in and wht college r they doing it from...And obviously, it also depends on how f**ked up their life is..

If u r from a college in Western suburbs like Andheri, Bandra etc.(read SP{my college}, Tsec, Fr Agnel) there is a fair chance u wud like to listen to hard rock... The lower your grades, the harder your rock!

If u r from a college in Central suburbs, like Matunga, Vidyavihar etc.(read VJTI, Somaiya) u wud luv to listen to soft rock sumthin like Linkin Park..(provided u r able to keep up ur grades)

If u r from Navi mumbai college(read...well, there are about 20 coll here..), u wud probably listen to songs like summer of 69 and stuff..
Maybe when the grades decline they will shift to meaner stuff but its usually doesnt go beyond "Nothing else matters"..

If u r from Thane (read Johndale, Parshwanath etc.), there is a fair chance u like Himesh!

Well, most ppl reading this blog (u guys really read my blog?) know I am different! So I obviously wont fall into any of the above categories... Some of my friends listened to rock, but i didnt understand all the noise and the head banging... Plus I dont wanna end up with spondylitis when I grow old!

My cousin, Aroop intoduced me to rap when i was in 12th...the first song i heard was Eminem's "Lose your self"... I loved it when I first heard it, but the words didnt stick...

I guess it was in the 1st year of engg when Eminem's tracks started to sound interesting... I got hooked on to Dr. Dre, Snoop dogg, 50 cents and later Jay Z....
Most of Eminem's songs made sense...somehow u could relate to them...Back then I had written some lines myself.. Tell u what, Rap comes out much better if u r very screwed or very elated! Since I was normal(relatively :)) my poetry sucked!

It still sucks! The other day I was sitting in office thinking about the electricity crisis in Western Maharashtra and the water crisis in eastern Tamil Nadu... a song struck me...Jay Z's "99 problems"

I was humming it (coz singing is not allowed in office, plus the song has objectionable lyrics) and checking my mails(This was after I was done thinking about Maharashtra, Tamil Nadu and Alyssa Milano..er...i hav no idea why i mentioned her...)

I came across this mail...Its a story... Its in Hindi..Pls try and understand...
The English translation is given below anyway..

Pls click on the image to get a clearer view...




The (crude) English translation is -

Raju's father bought a Robot which could detect people lying... The robot wud slap anyone who lied...
One day Raju came late from school and when asked he lied about having extra classes..
The Robot slapped him. His dad(Raju's... not the robot's) asked him wht he really did... Raju told him about this mythological movie "Hanuman" he saw... The Robot slapped him again!
On being interrogated further, he told his father the truth about watching an erotic movie called "Katil Jawani"
Raju's dad got angry. He told Raju how when he was Raju's age he was all sincere and stuff... The robot slaps the father this time!- Implying tht this time he was lying...
Raju's mom now intervened saying tht since he was Raju's dad, Raju was bound to lie like him..
Hearing this the Robot slaps the mother, implying tht Raju's dad is not his real dad!
I hope u get this story...

Now read this…Same story in English!

To be sung on the tune of 99 problems –Jay Z (well, atleast some parts)

Once upon a time not a long ago,

Raju's dad brought a Roboto!

This Robot wasnt crude, get tht dude..

He slapped anyone who didnt say the truth...

Once Raju came late to home...

“U going out with ur Girlfriends son?”

“Er...no! Poppy u got it all wrong,

I got late coz i was studying, man I was on a song!

I cant help it if I get late,

I aint dating noone - Ashley, Mary or Kate..”

Hearing this the robot got activated,

He slapped Raju on his cheek,it knew he had dated!

“U lying boy, my robo knows,

When I was ur age son, I had no doves!”

The robo slapped the popa next,

I guess it liked this one best..

Moma now intervened,

Two slaps now it had been..

“Raju is ur son, him to lie we expect...

U got slapped in front of ur son, u lost all respect..

Like the father the son tends..”

The robo slapped the moma next, this is how the story ends!

I know..I know..its amatuerish but its an attempt...And I wrote it in my office..among the chaos..among designs and printouts and within the sight range of the German who sits right behind me...Hes pretty cool anyways, but hes not well versed with the art of rap, so..wht a waste..

I wasnt too elated or too screwed while writing this poem so considering all tht i guess it came out pretty well! :P

I got 99 problems....

I know everything except what women want!
-Anon

I am never gonna understand Women..er..Girls. Its girls till I get 32 or get married (whichever comes last!)

Now mankind (I mean the manly kind) has never been able to understand the womankind(is tht a word?). The other day I had coffee with one my sweetest female friends. The topic shifted to girls which is probably the only interesting topic we cud talk bout.

Me being a mech engg. have lost complete touch with the womankind. The girls in Engg werent my type so never really pursued any... The girls tht usually make it in engg are the tomboyish types while I like more of the girlie types and no, girlie doesnt necessarily mean those girls who spend hours in front of the mirror... My interpretition of girlie girls is tht they are simple, smart and shy...
Now dont judge me! (Btw, googling - simple, smart and shy shows 1,900,000 results. One question - Where the heck are they!?@#)

Back to the topic - So we were talkin bout why mech engineers suck at making female friends and it turns out tht its coz we dont understand girls...

Heres the conversation:-

Me: So u saying I dont understand girls?
She: Well dumbo, I feel u dont get it! You dont call ur girls, dont send them flowers...u dont even remember their Bdays!!!
Me: Oye? Girls expect me to call everyday?
She: Yes, donko! 10 times a day!
Me: But wudnt I be disturbing her if I call her 10 times a day?
She: Nope...We love it!
Me: U crazy!
She: (giggles) No, u crazy!


I dont get it!! I get disturbed even when my Mom calls me when I am in my office. Plus how am I supposed to express my feelings? ...We men! We hunt! We fight! We drink directly from the carton! We DONT express our feelings...Asking us to express our feelings is like asking Shoaib Akhtar to bowl leg-spin!

One wonders, if God made hormones (Ignoring wht Charles Darwin preaches) why didnt he put in the same ones in both guys and girls? I guess thts coz he knew opposites attract.

Maybe opposites do attract. So does tht make me - complicated, foolish and bold!?
Er..I dont think so...

Theres another twist...
I always thought these qualities tht I find attractive were necessarily physical (no, not sexual...physical..Theres a difference!!)
But in the last few weeks I have found tht its not all physical...

There is this girl, who was a yr junior to me in my school. She was a mixture of all the said qualities and more...She was all sweet and giggly and schoolgirlish... And obviously I did like her...But at 15, u dont try and analyze why u like sumone...

Now shes settled outside the country, and we chat almost everyday. Chattin is the next best thing to talkin... You can get to know a lot bout the person, how he/she would react to a situation, her wit, sense of humour etc. etc. And man, isnt she amazing!

The point here is , its been ages since we met in 3-D, but I still like her. There is a fair chance tht my brain still interprets her as a giggly girl who wore braces as a kid and maybe it(my brain) is surprised at the amount of maturity and wit she has... Maybe thts one of the reasons I like her so much...

So u see? My brain can solve calculus and mechanics but it is as lost as Schumacher in Mumbai traffic when it comes to feelings...
Its like tht movie - I,Robot in which the robot saves Will Smith and not the little girl coz it calculates tht Will has a 42% chance of survival and the girl has only a 12% chance. It lets her die.

12% wasnt less...

Only if we were hardwired better


Me: Ok, So you mean, I shud send her flowers and choclates? Tht sounds so High-Schoolish. Actually it is outright foolish!
She: Be as practical as u want with the outside world... But with a girl u gotta be foolish...
Me: Foolish?!
She: Yes donko!
Me: U crazy
She:(giggles) No, u crazy! Girls!! Will I ever understand them!

This is my 100th post. Now that I look at the days gone by(at the posts gone by rather) I cant help noticing that I love some post better than others. After a lot of analysis I now present 26 of my fav posts.

I have listed below my favourite post over the last 300 days that I have been blogging.

Most of these posts are very close to my heart for different reasons. Its amazing how much we learn about ourselves when we look back at the days gone by.

Here are the posts which have made you laugh, cry and sometimes even think.

My placements- When the vacations finally began

India Win T20 World cup

Its amazing what men can do!

Of Siemens, cookies and Damsels

Panner Hakka Noodles

Those were the days

The last day of Engineering

IIT JEE-Mumbai Tops!

A F1 driver

Hair I go again!

To prove a point

Schlumberger

The farewell

Ties and sarees

The Diary of...??

Of Gujus, colours and Holi

I just played my natural game

There is GOLD in Mulund

Games ppl play

Bhule toh nahi

The good life continues @ Juhu

In love with Sid Ashara

Nostalgia

SPCE Lingo

The curse of the Thief

There is something about Chetan! My Best Posts ever

I am not among those ppl who would post Urdu poems on their blog...Infact I hate sms shayaris...But there are some of my majnu friends who have blood relatives in Airtel....They somehow keep sending me all these "Tere naam" type shayaris.. Now, me being a nice guy tht I am, I cant ask them to remove me off their messaging lists.

But the other day, I read this sms tht my friend sent me...

I am gonna write it below...Read it slowly...Try and picture it, u wud like it tht way..



Uski ankho mein mohobbat ki chamak aaj bhi hai..

Use mere pyaar pe shak aaj bhi hai...

Naav mein baithkar dhoye the haath kabhi usne...

Saare talab mein mehndi ki mahek aaj bhi hai....




For my readers in the US, UK, France and Italy - here is the somewhat crude translation

Her eyes sparkle with my love still
She aint sure bout it though
Her hands touched the lake waters once
It fragrances of mehndi* still...

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mehndi

Pardon my utter disregard for Urdu and English grammar.
Man, I suck at English poems..




Shayari

http://www.google.com/searc...india%27s+most+wanted+timepass

Sometimes I like to go on a ego trip...Actually, I love to go on ego trips..The reason - coz they are the only trips tht need no money and no sick leaves. I say sick leaves coz as Trainees we are not allowed casual leaves... So, sick or not, Sick leaves it is! I have already taken half of my alloted sick leaves... My colleagues must think what a sick person I am...

Coming back to the topic... I was just going on one of my trips when I came across this...

Search for india's most wanted timepass in Google... Who tops the list??? Yeah..yours truly! The Time Pass Of India.

I didnt think I wud make it to the top this soon... And I would like to thank my friends whose antics I have posted... I wud also like to thank all my readers who have too much free time and who are kind enough to read the gibberish tht I produce...

I wud also like to thank the idiots at WordPress. Had it not been for their stupidity I could have never been india's most wanted timepass! (If u wanna know wht happened at WordPress read this!)

This blogger knows this means nuthing...its just a bug in Google's algo... Phir bhi yaar, why waste a chance to blow ur trumpet!


india's most wanted timepass

I got this mail yesterday....I m sure all you engineering guys must have read this one...
I am pasting it here for all my non-engineering friends...there are not many...I guess they were pissed off by my not spending time with them...Sorry guys! This post will confirm tht we are basically lazy and jobless people who coz of their own Time mismanagement have no time when it comes to spending time with their friends....

There has been a lot of fiddling around by me with the original mail...This has lead to the ruining of a perfectly sane email...



Enjoy the Best Dialogues of Engineering!



On being Late

"I overslept" (this is a Arshat Chaudhary special)
"Was caught up in the Traffic at SV Road"(Most Profs who have seen SV Road buy this excuse)
(classic) " Train was late" (Everybody who stays more than 10 kms from the college in Mumbai is allowed this excuse)



During Lecture

"Biscuit hai kya? Bhook lagi hai" (This is a SPCE mech special)
"Rahul ka assignment 3 tere paas hai??"
"Yeh double lecture hai kya?"
"Yeh kya sikha raha hai??!"

(classic)"Journal sheet hai??"


Lab
"Practicals hone wala hai?" (Again a SPCE special)
"Expt. 1 likha??"
"Attendance ho gaya??"

(classic)"Karna kya hai??"



Unit Test
"Yeh kab sikha ke kab hua??"
(classic)"Aaj kounsa test hai?"


late submission of assignments

"SOM ka last date extend hua thaa"
(classic)"I didnt know the last date"



VIVA (b4 exam)
"submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"
"Dekh Boss !! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai......(ekdum emotional )"



VIVA (after exam)
"yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?"
"achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?"
"ye subject ka reference book kaunsa hai"
"Vidyalankar mein to alag hai"





VIVA (general)
"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala , then watz the point"
"Roll no. 1 aur 2 ko wapas bulaaya hai"
"External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai"
"Ye kounse subject mein aata hai"

(Classic) "Aaj kounsa Viva hai?"
When is Sardar Patel's bday? (This ques was actually asked in SPCE..Sardar Patel College of Engg.)




Submission
" Ye bhi chhapna hai kya??"
"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

(classic)"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

(classic conversation)

A: Ye tune kya likha hai / teri handwriting aisi kyun hai?

B: Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh , jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal

maine Mahesh se likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar.

Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh , jo nah samajh mein aa raha hai woh chhod de.


EXAM
"Jo (mujhe)aata hai , woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh aata hai"
"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai"
"ye last time hi poochha thaa"
"tere paas Daji ke notes hai??"
" nahi samjha to rat le "

(classic..... when someone is intensively doing his last revision) "Yeh nahi aayega !!!"

Enjoy the Best Dialogues of Engineering!