The Screwdriver : The awesomeness of youth


I was a good kid. Really was. And then a good teenager. My parents must have been really proud of me or something. I think the problem with being a good kid is that you start seeing yourself as the world sees you.


Engineering like other professional courses, if done properly, ends up teaching you more about life than about the subject itself. It pushes you to your limit, makes you realise that you might be the best in the city, but stand 15th in your class coz all 14 of them are the best in the city! It is not a good thing for a 20 year old's ego.

I first heard "The Sunscreen song" when I was 20 years old and in the 2nd year of Mechanical Engineering.





I was undergoing a very difficult phase. I think the process of becoming a man from a boy is always a difficult one. No, it is not a physical or a hormonal process. You could be 35 and still be just a boy. This process is tougher, it's emotional, but once you are through, there is nothing quite like it.


Everyday, through Facebook messages and fan mails, I have 20 year olds, not very unlike the way I was, asking for advice about how they could get their girls back or how difficult their jobs are or how confused they are regarding a career choice they have to make. I wish I could answer all their emails and offer them advice, in spite of the fact that I am as ordinary as they come and dont have much experience in life and such compared to what their parents, siblings, friends would have, I do wanna help.



The Screwdriver.






As a young boy, I watched my Mechanical Engineer father fix a broken hinge or a loose compartment door with just a twist of a Screwdriver. Screwdriver fixes everything. No tool box is complete without a screw driver.



If I can offer you one advice for the future, Screwdriver would be it.



I am going to dispense that advice - Now.



Enjoy the awesomeness of your youth, even if youth to you means studying 12 hours a day, commuting to college, attending boring lectures, bruised hearts and itchy pimples. You will look back on these years, sitting on the swivel chair in your office, looking out of the window, sipping coffee...... And feel proud of yourself.



Take time to set your beliefs and form your opinions. Then work hard to defend them. All this while keeping allowances, for they might not be all correct.



Sing.


Even if you don't like your voice. Even if others dont. Bathrooms were designed to make you better singers and nobody has to know.



Don't be jealous of people around you who you think have got it all... When you get to know them better, you realise they dont! Their lives are only as perfect as yours and the millions around you. If you learn to do this, tell me how.



Love.


Love someone... even if you hate the world... love at least one person & when you do, do so with everything you got... It's not love if it doesnt take everything you got.



Spend some time on a beach or a hill. You will realise you probably arent as important as you thought!



Make somebody smile each day.


And when you find that smile you want to spend your life with, let them know...



Do get married.


In spite of what the divorce rates in your country tell you, In spite of what your divorced friends tell you... if you want someone for life, make them yours...


Do NOT sign pre-nuptials, it is the worst thing you could do to yourself.



Understand that money brings freedom to you, but making money needs you to give your freedom away.



Be minimalistic in the way you live your life. Buying many things or too many things you dont want, will make you give up a lot of things you will need in the future. If you don't understand this statement, dont worry, everything will be alright...



Everything is alright. In spite of the 70 year olds who keep telling you that its not. Dont worry, you will be 70 one day and feel the same. But till you reach that age - Everything is alright.



Write.


Even if you cant throw a sentence together. Write something for someone - even if it's a thank you note for the old lady at the bakery.



Support the underdog in a fight. The stronger competitor has fans. All the underdog's got is your support!



There is no better feeling in the world, than proving the world wrong. Prove the world wrong. Time and again.



Put trust in yourself. And then work hard to keep it.



Don't be scared to be alone. That is the only time you will get to learn more about yourself.



Understand that your salary, like other unimportant things in your life like your high school scores, is just a number.



Don't watch porn or Do watch porn.


Either way, know that porn, like a Tarantino movie - has no class and no hint of reality to it.



Nature has a plan for you. Be smart enough to decipher it. Go turn off the light in the living room. Now.



Spend some time away from the cities in the open world. It will do you a world of good.



Run.


If you are ashamed to, run behind a bus, acting like you have to catch it. If the bus stops, quietly walk away. There will be another day, another bus.



Remember the compliments, forget the criticisms. However, dont let either change who you are!


Don't feel bad if something that you worked hard for didnt pan out. If this didnt, something else will. I can't tell you what, but something...



Laugh, out loud. (Don't let it be just an internet acronym)



Listen to your parents. Respect their wisdom. But take your own decisions and be man enough to stick by them. Take responsibilty of the consequences.



Love your parents. Love your siblings. They are a lot like you and you will miss them when you dont get to see them everyday.



Believe in Karma. The world is a system that works according to rules. In 25 years of my life I have realised that Karma is definitely one of them.



Dont be heartbroken by failure, in love or life... Learn from it and know that success wont taste so sweet if it wasnt for the failures.



Have kids. Cute ones. Know that biological clock that's ticking? It was put there for a reason.



Live in suburban Mumbai once, learn first hand why there is nothing like it in the whole wide world... But leave once you start falling in love, for you wont be able to live anywhere else... Live in Old Delhi once, you will know why it's awesome to be Indian.



Everything that's good and bad in this world is due to ego. Only if we could learn to use it better.



Look at your best friends through the years, try to find what traits were common in them - you will end up knowing yourself better... If you have had the same best friend through the years, know that you are very lucky.



Dont be ashamed if you are 20 and dont know what to do with your life - You have such thoughts when you think you can do everything, but just cant decide what you wanna do. Dear 20 year old, rejoice, for you will do well in life.



Advice is almost always autobiographical, only, it's more optimistic than the autobiography itself. Be careful as to whose advice you buy. But be patient with the ones who supply it.



But whatever you do, keep a screwdriver in your toolbox.Trust me, Screwdriver fixes everything!


-Arshat Chaudhary


__________________________________


Dedicated to all the early 20 year old followers of this blog, my facebook fans and everybody who is young and going through a crisis. Trust me, It ll be alright.

The Screwdriver : The awesomeness of youthSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary

Current Issues: , , , ,
17 letters to the editor  

10 things that changed India in the last 10 years: 2000-2010

Welcome to the New Decade...

As a kid I used to love New Year eve... It was one of those days when you could spend all night being awake - all night meaning 12.30 am. There would be these comedy programs on DD-1, some of them were really good. Good times those were - we were young, fireworks were limited to Diwali and even DD-1 had good programming.

Things change in every decade. Especially in a country like India.

The 1990s saw reforms being brought in. IT companies sprang up. Graduates out of Engineering colleges lapped up jobs like never before... at salaries that made grown men cry. Shahrukh Khan became a sensation. It became acceptable that a young girl in India could have SRK's poster in her bedroom. Days of hiding Rajesh Khanna or Rishi Kapoor's photos in thick Chemistry journals were over. Owning a Computer was a big deal. Most of us hadnt seen a laptop. A generation used to cars like Fiat and Ambassador was warming up to Hyundai Santro. The Indian cricket team was same old same old... Match fixing allegations, losing matches abroad on a regular basis, giving up on the match 10 overs before the last ball was bowled - typical.

I know 15 year olds are reading this and wondering what the hell I am talking about!


The decade of change : 2000-2010

I was 15 back in 2000. Things were changing. Not just in the world but also with me. I was loosing interest in WWF sports cards and gaining interest in girls. I was almost six feet then and facial hair was there to stay.

I was also pissed off on a couple of my friends who told me that the world would end in 2000. I was pissed off at all those people at Aaj Tak (It was just a short news program on DD back then) who kept talking about the Y2K. I also have to kick the butt of all those guys at "Beyond 2000" a show on Discovery channel about how things would change in the new millennium - None of that happened... What a bummer!°

Anywhooo... Talking about the 10 things that changed us, changed India -


1. Orkut:

Yes, Orkut and not Facebook changed the way India made "Frands"... Finally here was a platform were even Engineers could make female friends. The best thing about Orkut was the privacy and the lack of it - You could be a real perv and check out the photos of that hot girl from school. You could keep a track of what your school friends have been accomplishing - Have they grown fat or Bald or have they joined a gym and have a semi-naked photo as their profile pic?

I am not too fond of anything new. So, when my friends had been lining up to click photos with the camera phone (the, and not 'a' camera phone, because there was only ONE cam phone in the class back then!) I was satisfied not being socially active.

But then I did become socially active and how! I have had my fair share of orkut addiction. I am thankful to Orkut for bring back some of the closest friends I had back in school. I have to thank them specially for one such friend, but then, that is a subject of a different post.

Orkut is dead now. Only people in Tier 3 cities like upcoming Indore and Vishakhapatnam use Orkut. The world has moved on to Facebook.

I have a 13 year old friend who is on Facebook or FB as they call ot. I asked him if he knew what Orkut was - and he gave me a blank look! I can now definitely say I was a part of the Orkut generation - when did you think we would have an name for our generation - not that our elder would give us, but what we would give ourselves!



2. Sourav Ganguly

India are the favourites to win this World Cup. It wasnt the case in 1999. The Indian team was in ruins. If you have watched our team surrender the match as soon as Sachin got out and now Watch a 100+ run partnership between Yusuf Pathan and No. 10 Zaheer Khan, you wouldnt believe it was the same team.

With all due respect to Dhoni and his men, it was Sourav and hi men who dreamt of a fearless Indian team.

I am biased here. I have been a staunch Ganguly fan for the last 10 years. I still am. In spite of all the humiliation that he had to go through from being dropped from the Indian team in 2005 to the last IPL auction. Sourav Ganguly is the hero that we needed in early 2000s. He did what he had to do and he did it with style. Even last year he was the amongst the highest run getters in IPL - this, when he was out of form!

If we win the World Cup this year, which I ll be surprised if we didnt, a lot of it because of Sourav's vision.


3. Google

There are fewer companies that have impacted our lives more than Google. When internet companies like yahoo were busy drafting out revenue models, which essential means finding out ways to screw white people around the world (coz brown people are smart enough not to pay anything for anything digital), google was giving away stuff for free! - Like Gmail's promise of never having to delete a single email because of its unlimited space. Yahoo was charging it's customers 10$ for the same service.

There was a time when you would come home from college and open up - gmail, orkut and blogger in that order - all of them google offerings.

There are companies like Shell who have made a lot of money selling oil and stuff, but Google guys are the ones who have really changed the way we think, the way we work, the way we imagine!


4. Chetan Bhagat

Okay, go ahead and blast me. But if I cared what people thought, would Ganguly come up at #2?

Bhagat changed the way India reads. Back in 2000, only kids in South Mumbai who had parents and grandparents who had studied from the same school could boast of reading novels and eating in McDonalds.

But now thanks to Chetan Bhagat's Rs.99 novels and McDonald's Rs.25 menu, kids from all around India can now boast of doing both.

Bhagat unfairly has to bear the flak of critics who actually are criticizing any IIT-IIM Delhi guy writing stupid stories which revolve around sex. In 1999, Indians would laugh it off if someone said an Indian movie could be based on a novel, but 3 idiots was based on 5 point someone as much as Vidhu Chopra and Co would like to disagree.

Only Amitav Ghosh, Arundhati Roy and Salman Rushdie and other who had spent their student lives in the costliest of schools in India and then moved on to the US or the UK usually without scholarship with all expenses paid by father's textile business had the right to write "literature". Chetan changed all that - with just one book.

My novel obviously is above Bhagat and these other kids who start writing because their 6th std English teacher told them that they can write. My novel was about love, life and a fight. I wrote it because I wanted to convey an awesome story about an underdog. I like underdogs. I guess most of us are underdogs in a way.

For people who dont know what I am talking about and where you can buy my book - Please go here for awesomeness - www.arshatchaudhary.com (PR bhi important hai bhai!)

5. Malls

"Hi, you are in the city too? Wow! Let's meet up then Where? Well, at the mall, of course!"

Land is the only asset that doesnt depreciate. (Something I learnt at MDI, Gurgaon) The reason, it's limited! So out went the textile mills of Mumbai and in came the Malls! Out went the dusty roads and Mustard fields of Gurgaon and in came the Malls! - I can do this with most other cities, but get the point!

Malls in India have become a way of life. Every time you have to meet someone or go b'day shopping for your friend, then instead of going to the local market and haggling for 30 rupees, you chose to go to a swanky mall and buy something cheap from Big Bazaar if your friend was cheap or buy something from Lifestyle if your friend was, well, a girl! :P

Going by the swankiness of the malls in India, they arent behind anyone. There are the same brands that are there, in say, Europe. I think only Dubai has swankier malls, but then, who want to go to a mall to have a burkha clad woman in Dubai sell you CK perfumes! That would be a serious case of Brand mismanagement! (Something else I learnt at MDI, Gurgaon)

6. BPOs
In the 1990s -
Teenager: Pappa, I want to buy Nagraj's latest comics!
Dad: Go buy it with your own money!
Teenager: But Pappa, I dont have any money. No one will employ me because I have no skills whatsoever!

In the 2000s -
Teenager: Pappa, I want to buy branded underwear!
Dad: Go buy it with your own money!
Teenager: OK!
Dad: What? Who will employ you? You got no skills whatsoever!
Teenager: Dad! Jisse koi nahi employ karta, usse BPO naukri hai! *Amitabh Bacchan ki movies wala music in the background*

BPOs changed us. It made acne ridden Tier 2 and Tier 1 cities kids feel more confident about their non-existent skills! These kids would call us US acting as one of their own, which really goes to say about their levels of low confidencery! I mean, who would want to be one of Michael instead of Mahesh? It's all screwed up. But then, at least it increased the sale of Jockey boxers in India.

7. Aamir Khan
In every path breaking movie in the last 10 years, Aamir has been an important part.

From Dil chahta hai to Taare Zameen Par (both of which I liked but wasnt particularly impressed by) to Lagaan, which should have won an Oscar, to Ghajini, an awesome marketing gimmick, to Rang De Basanti - every movie that aamir has been a part of has been path breaking in one way or the other.

No one would have given a chance to movies like Dhobi ghat or such in 1999. Back then Kaho na pyaar hai made people happy, not to say we have changed a lot in that respect - we still made sure Dabangg was the highest grossing movie in the history of Bollywood.



8. Kaun banega crorepati

When Amitabh Bacchan hung his boots after his last movie Khuda Gawah, for our parents, it was the end of an era. But then ABCL, Amitabh's production company ran into losses and thus began AB's second innings. After disastrous movies like Mrityudata and Lal Badshah (can you believe I still remember the names of these movies?), people who loved him felt he should have stayed at home or entered into politics like his peers.

But then came Kaun Banega Crorepati, and with one master stroke and a white french beard, Big B was back right into our living rooms on Thu at 9. It didnt take him long to make way into our hearts. His "lock kiya jaaye?", "sure? confident?" and "ufsos!" became part of daily slang - in a way he became as big as he was during his peak - How was he different from Deewar's angry young man who would lock the gate behind him and say - "Tum mujhe dhoondh rahe ho aur main tumhara yahan intezaar kar raha hoon"

Then there was the added benefit of winning 1 crore rupees (taxes apply) along with meeting Big B. I remember how when people used - Phone a friend, the people on the other side of the phone went crazy and bantered about how they watched his movies bunking college and stuff... IT probably didnt make much sense to our generation, but one look at our parents in our living room and their smiles made it clear that they had done such a thing as well...

All of us spent hours getting through the phones lines of KBC and getting that one question answered. If you got the answer right, you waited for them to call you back. It was a simpler time. But we knew, TV would never be the same.

9. iPod:
iPod for an Indian doesnt necessarily mean Apple iPod. Any device that can be carried and plays music can be referred to by this term.

For a country thats music crazy, movie crazy, dance crazy - iPod was a God sent. It took the world by storm. But obviously 90% of users of so called generic portable music players would have no idea about Apple. They use Chinese models which are actually made in Taiwan!

You wonder how people who belong to poorer sections of the society can afford these players. That is only till you see how cheap they cost. The only problem that I think is what they face must be updating their music. But if you look at their playlist, it would consists of the choicest Kumar Sanu songs from 1990s. They dont need to update their music. They are happier stuck in better times.
Okay, maybe iPod or the concept didnt change us in a big way. But when you see everyone from a rickshaw driver to a pav bhaji wala having his ears stuffed white earphones listening to the latest Himesh song, you cant help but feel that entertainment should be free for everyone.



10. Reliance mobile
There was a time when having a mobile was considered to be a status symbol That was 1998.

Then Reliance happened. I still remember the Rs.501 advert for a mobile. Sehwag and Sehwag ki maa, took India by storm. Everybody was talking about it. Everybody was wondering if Dhirubhai ka sapna might also have to be parting off with their hard earned money. Like always, the buiness class decided to take the risk of buying it while the working class thought of ways to avoid buying it till Dhirubhai's dream sequence became clearer.

There came a time when your carpenter, painter, vegetable seller, housemaid would give you miscals and you would have to call them back only for them to tell you that they were watching a movie in the nearest Multiplex and would not be able to come work that day.

***

When I look back through the last 10 years, I am amazed to see how much we have changed! From a nation for whom "India Shining" was just a phrase to a nation who have seen it shine. Nations go through phases, just like humans do. What they do during those phases, how they act, how hard they work decide on what they become in the future.

Whatever becomes of us, it is we who are going to change India. It is India's orkut generation - the generation which most thought wont be able to handle the pressures of a developing economy and the pleasures that it brings with it - which will help change her fortunes...

What a time to be born! Why would be anywhere in the world but here!

Jai Hind!

-Arshat Chaudhary
10 things that changed India in the last 10 years: 2000-2010SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary

Current Issues: , , , , , ,
15 letters to the editor  

Top 10 Sitcoms in 2000-2010... 10 years-10 sitcoms


I take TV seriously. Yes. I do.
I take all art forms seriously. Yes. I called TV an art form.

I take sitcoms more seriously than I take other series. I think it takes immense creative energy to follow deadlines and come up with a fun episode every week.

I introduced myself to sitcoms when Zee cafe was still Zee English and Star World was, well, Star World.

Back in the day, the funniest thing that would happen to you would invariably be your professor telling you a nerd joke - some thing like -

Heisenberg is driving down a highway when hes stopped by and cop. "Do you know how fast you were driving back there, son?"
Heisenberg replies - "No sir, but I know where I am!"

Geddit? Geddit? Dont worry if you dont... Be proud of yourself. You are not a nerd. (Now seriously, search up the Heisenberg principle. It pretty cool actually.)

So whom do you turn to for a good time when you are surrounded by such profs? The good old Television. :)

So I was thinking, among all the sitcoms that I have watched in the last 10 years, which ones have been super cool? Which ones should you watch to be around as cool as me? Note that I said 'around' coz...well... let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

So anyway, without wasting any more time, heres the list -

11. MODERN FAMILY

Why did I put up a #11 in a top 10 list? Well, because I can! Okay... because Modern Family is good. But they havent come out with that many episodes to be allowed in this countdown.

Something tells me that I will be writing about this show in 2020 when I make my "Best Sitcoms in the 2011-2020" list.






10. Curb Your Enthusiasm

If the makers of Seinfeld come up with a sitcom, which is less of a sitcom and more of a mockumentary, you know its gonna be fun.

Larry David shines in this show.

I might be biased here. I must say this show does remind me of Seinfeld and maybe that's why I like it so much. so, in order to be less biased, I placed it at #10.

Yes, this Top 10 is awesome like that!



9. My Name is Earl:

Even thinking about this show makes me smile. It was so damn ridiculous, it was funny.

The show follows the life of Earl - this guy with a moustache and a dumb ass brother.

So, Earl has done wrong things to too many people. And he believes its bad karma why he cant live a happy life. So, he writes down everything he did wrong with his friends, relatives, random people at the mall and then proceeds to find them and make it right. What follows is supreme stupidity which like always, makes for good sitcom watching experience!


8. Sarabhai vs. Sarabhai

So, now my readers from Turkey, Jordan and South Africa (what? I get a lot of traffic from these countries... I have no idea why!) are now wondering, what sitcom is this!!

Well, its an Indian sitcom and its in Hindi (without subtitles). The reason why I am resorting to such patrioticity is coz of the numerous shows on Indian television, no show - I repeat - no show comes even close to this!

The writing is smart, the editing crisp and the acting top notch! It has to be super awesome for it to be placed above two very good American sitcoms. And it very well deserves to be seen and respected for its awesomeness!

7.Just Shoot Me

Scene : Six people sitting at a table, out of which two are deeply lost in each others eyes.
Jack: I cant have this meeting if 33% of us are lost in each others' eyes!

Nina (with a dumb expression on her face) : What are you talking about Jack, there are only 6 people here!

The 2 love birds get up and start walking, still lost in each other.

Nina (with a confident smile): Jack, I think now only 4% of us are interested in this meeting!


Super funny. You should have been there!

6.scrubs

Scrubs is one of the few sitcoms I have written about. You can find my blogpost about Scrubs which I wrote back in 2007 here - http://thetimepassofindia.blogspot.com/2007/06/scrubs.html

Enough said!






5. F.R.I.E.N.D.S


I have to have a heart of stone not to include Friends in my top 10 list of Sitcoms. 25 years from now, our kids will watch this and still be floored by how awesome it was.

Friends is a classic. It is awesome. I know a generation of kids who relate to the 6 characters on the show. So I have a friend who thinks he is so much like Ross, there is this girl who says shes a lot like Rachel. The point being, name one more show where you tried to relate yourself to a character. And remember the Friends quizzes you had in college? You didnt? Well, maybe your college wasnt as nerdy as mine then.

I dont want people to comment how it became slow and boring at the end. Well, it did not. There just wasnt much to do with the characters.

Would a remake of friends work? I think, it will. All they have to find is an endearing cast. Have I just given NBC an idea?

And If you are wondering, what character would I relate to, then there are no points for guessing - I am such a Chandler. I miss Chandler Bing's sarcasm.

Sigh... Good days those.

4. That 70s show:

Now we can spend many blogposts discussing if That 70s should be placed so high up. But the deal is, it is difficult to create such a show.

You have to set it in the 70s then make sure the slang is right, the aspirations, political views etc. are right. It sounds like I am taking this too seriously? Well, a wise man once said-- making people laugh is no funny business son. Okay it was me who said it.

Anywhoo, the point here, this show was awesome. Tell me you didnt love the theme song and the "Hello Wisconsin!"at the end of it or you dont wanna know what race Fes comes from! (Its Fes and not Fez - it stands for Foreign Exchange Student!)


3. Coupling

Okay. Now I think British comedies are seriously over rated. They are unimaginative and as boring as Indian sitcoms. Now I have nothing against British sense of humour. I think the English are hilarious. But as artists they are rather unimaginative, dont u think?

That is till you watch Big train, Little Britain or Coupling. Now the first two arent really sitcoms, they are like short skits put together. That is why they are not on this list.

Coupling is England's answer to Friends. Nobody asked England a question, but they answered nevertheless. Its genius writing and good acting thrown in with a lot of dry humour and a thick cockney accent! What you get it an extremely palatable British sitcom.

2. The Big Bang Theory:

There are two types of people in this world. One - who find BBT funny and two - who dont find BBT funny.

If you do a quick check on their report cards, the ones who dont find BBT funny, failed their science and maths exams on a regular basis.






1. How I met your Mother

The #1. Without doubt.

Once upon a time there was a kid posing as a genius doctor on a show. That show was Doogie Howser MD. And that kid was Neil Patrick Harris. Or whom you know as Barney "awesome" Stinson.

He single handedly makes the show worth watching. The fact that the other kids are doing a good job too just make it worth the 21 mins. When it ends, you want more. You wish it was 29 mins like the British shows instead of 21 mins.

Awesomeness is a word.
Lemon Law is a thing.
Legen.. wait for it... dary is what uncool kids say to sound cool.

All this because of NPH.

There are people who have an attention span of a bumblebee and are wondering where is the mother in How I met your mother? I know the title of the show is misleading. I mean seriously, where is the mother?

But should we care? Did we start watching it for the mother? The answer is no. I say let there be no mother. The kids can be adopted for all I care.

So let this show go on and give us more awesomeness.







Here. I am done writing this. If you just skimmed through this post then I say - Not cool mate.. not cool...


PS -Entourage and Californication werent included coz they r cool and everything, but lack the funny.

The simpsons has not been included coz its a animated series and in a different class.


Top 10 Sitcoms in 2000-2010... 10 years-10 sitcomsSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary

Current Issues: , ,
15 letters to the editor  

The pothole in Berlin


The other day on my way to office, I saw a sight thats so rare, that in the 9 months that I have stayed here in Berlin, I have seen that sight just once. That sight was the sight of a pothole. A pothole the size of a volleyball. That was to my knowledge, the one and only pothole in Berlin.



I have known Germans too well for too long now. I took a picture of the pothole on my cellphone -- I ll tell you why -- coz 36 hours later, the pothole was gone. I knew this was going to happen. Only, I didnt expect this to happen in 36 hours. For the Germans, a pothole was a national crisis!
As I walked to my office that day, a thousand thoughts flooded my mind.

I remembered the bumpy rides in my own country. I remembered cursing the government, the officials... I tried to remember when was the last time road repairs took only 36 hours? It usually took months of complaining or an accident or better still, a visit by a politician to that road.
People like me, who love their country, start defending their own arguments which expose our incompetencies. Berlin is rich, I thought - they can afford the repairs - we dont have money - maybe one day we will have money - then we ll see...

The truth is - in PPP terms, Mumbai is richer than Berlin. The truth is - we cant hide behind the developing country tag anymore. A boy becomes a man when he takes responsibility for his actions. Maybe its time that we, as a country, grow up.

Honesty is such a virtue. Why have we put people who dont have any in positions of power?

The other day, at a high profile meeting here in Berlin, during a presentation, the name of India came up. The presenter talked about the CommonWealth games fiasco. The theme of the presentation had nothing to do with The commonwealth games.Cheapshot? Yes. It was. It made me cringe. The news reports about Kalmadi never bothered me before, but that day, they did.

And I am sure all is forgotten back home. I have no access to Indian news channels but I am sure news channels must have found a new topic to discuss. I am sure Dhoni's bike/hairstyle or Katrina Kaif's legs/cleavage forms the crux of the breaking news.

Why are we so complacent? Are we so big a country that no one is ready to take responsibility for anything? Are there so many people in there that its easy to find someone to put the blame on?

Do I sound to harsh for your Indian ears? Well, I am just being honest. And you know it.

And its not just us who are like this. I talk to a lot of people around the globe(except India). There is a marked difference in the people from the developing countries and the developed countries - It doesnt really matter what continent the countries are. People in Japan are similar to Germans when it comes to work ethic. While there are a few other countries, which remind me of India sometimes.

Back in India, in MDI, Gurgaon, when we saw our European friends complain about stuff, fight for what they thought was right, while we used - "chalta hai" attitude, each one of us thought they were being fussy. But now that I see them fighting for what's right even in their own country, I understand what their culture is all about. If something is not as it should be - it should be reported. It should be changed. Put into order. That explains the 36 hour repair of the pothole.

I am not saying we should mimic the west. In fact I strongly suggest that we dont. I am just saying, perhaps being complacent is not the best approach to being a successful nation.
Being colonized is the worst thing that can happen to a country. It's worse than losing two world wars. It's like being in a war for 150 years and losing it every year. Little by little, the soul of the nation is dies.A fractured, frail soul takes its place. What follows is appreciation towards the ruler and disrespect for self. This is why we regard learning English as more important than learning other Indian languages. This is why we buy "imported" stuff, even if its made in Taiwan. I have a German friend who I met the other day. She had worn her grandmother's earrings. Of course they were classy and subtle. My question is, how many of the girls in India would wear their grandmom's jewelery? If I was a girl, I wont. They would be too gaudy for today's generation. But arent we supposed to be gaudy? Look at our weddings for example and then compare it with theirs. Look at our festivals then have a look at theirs. Around 200 years ago, not a long time for a country whose civilizations dates back to 2600 BC, we would have been very comfortable in our skin. Now, we are just wannabes.

I dont know if you remember, but around 15 years ago, Doordarshan would show the Population clock everyday at 12 noon. It had this ticker which showed a number close to 92 crores (India's population at that time). It was supposed to spread awareness about family planning. In school you were taught that India's biggest problem was its population. Now, they say we a country of a billion opportunities! In 15 years, we could change the way people think. How many countries in the world have seen that kind of turn around? If you ask me, this quite a time to be born.

GDP without freedom, is just a number - ask the Chinese. Economic superpower, new world, fastest growing economy order are just words - if we cant pull our act together. Being the strongest economy in the world would make no sense if our roads are pothole ridden. Of course, there are other bigger problems. I am talking in figurative terms here.

We dont need to do anything path breaking here. All we have to do, is try our best at doing whatever we do. All we have to do, each one of us, is to take responsibility of our actions. All we have to do, is just try a little harder - 'Cause the best thing about being a billion people is -- even if all of us try a little harder -- its actually... a lot.
The pothole in BerlinSocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary

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The girl you didnt search for...


"Are you on orkut?" A friend asked me.


It was the winter of 2003. I was in the first year of my Mechanical Engineering. I didnt know what or who orkut was and what do you have to do with it! Why does one have to be on orkut?


"To make friends." He said. "I am on orkut. You can add me there."


But weren't we already friends??!!


I dont know when I decided to join orkut. But I fell in love with it instaneously. So many of my friends whom I had left behind in school, in the scholarship classes I had taken, the people I had met at the science fairs I had visited -- all of them were there on orkut. You could see what junior college they went to, what they were currently studying, if they were single or not...


The best feature was that you could search for your friends by entering their names. Boys would enter the names of the girls who were popular in school. Maybe now they would have enough guts to talk to them.


Sometimes you typed in the name of the girl who you thought you were in love with back in school... you wanted to know what was on in her life... what college was she in.. was she still as pretty as she once was.... did she have a boyfriend...




But this post is NOT about that girl. This post is about another girl.


The girl whose name you never enter in the search box on orkut. The girl who never matered to you... The girl who you were mostly embarrassed to be seen talking to...


----------------


In the 7th standard, when you are 13 years old, the best thing that can happen to you is that a girl falls in love with you and declares that to the world. Not so much if that girl is --Suman.


I wont call Suman ugly, but there was something about her that.. well... wasnt pleasing enough... She wasnt as curvy as the other girls (which mattered) nor was she too smart like some others (which didnt matter). She was, well, kinda plump.


When you are 13, you have such frail parameters of beauty. I know I did.


I had changed schools in the 7th standard. So, I was the new kid in my new class. The guys wanted to know what my rank in my old school was. You know, if I was a threat to the rank order. Men can be so competitive! It all sounds so silly now.


The girls wanted to know if I had a girlfriend from my old school or maybe someone who stayed next door or something. I didnt really know how to differentiate between a girl who was a friend and a girl who was a girlfriend. But puberty had made an appearance already and the realization of the differentiation came soon after.


So, Suman liked me. And had called dibs on me or something. So all her friends were on a mission to be matchmakers. Girls like doing that. It's embarrassing to all parties involved.


Initially, it would be her friend -- Hina, who would come up to me and make small talk. It was important to be friends with me before she could make me an offer. Then it was all her other friends. I enjoyed the attention for what it was worth but realized it might be getting out of hand now. The funny thing is - Suman never even tried to initiate talk with me. She would sit in a corner and keep looking in my general direction during free periods, lunch hour and such.


My guy friends made sure that I was made fun of enough number of times. They would call her names and though I thought it was wrong call someone names, I figured if I wanted to be one of them, I better dive in with them.


News travels fast in school. Soon all the kids in all the divisions knew about Suman's attraction for me. Every time I passed a group of girls in the corridor there would be giggling! It drove me nuts!!


Suman tried talking to me in a way only school girls can. She got hold of me in the corridor after school.


"Hi."She said. I didnt answer. She continued, "So, I was wondering if I could have your English notebook. I was absent yesterday."


Now she could have asked the book from one of her girl friends. I mean who would want to read my handwriting? The teachers did, coz they had to, coz they got paid to read what we wrote.


I gave her the notebook. I wanted to get this over with. I felt people were watching us -- the more time I spend talking to her, the more news it would make.


She tried her best to talk to me. She would come to me during the games period and try to make small talk. I know how difficult it can be for a guy at the age 13 to talk to a girl he likes, and she was a girl, it must have been doubly difficult for her. But you arent exactly Mr.Sensitivity at 13. That is an age where your reputation matters more than the feelings of the people you are with.


"Hi, we are organizing Garba night this navratri. Would you like to give it a try?" -- Some girl from the 8th standard said. I had seen her before. In fact I thought she was kinda hot. But I have never been interested in dance and such. I have never been interested in anything I am not good at. Thats just how I am.


"no, thanks." I said.
"Suman is going to be there." She smiled.


Even 8th graders knew! I was pissed at all this. What was going on? My reputation was being tarnished here. Suman? I wouldn't go out with her in a million years. What does she think of herself!!


Then came the breaking point. She called home one day. Only, it wasnt any other day. It was Valentine's day! And my father picked up the call. It was an era when students in the 7th standard didnt own mobile phones.


"Hel..Hello" she said.
"Suman you cant call here. What do you want?"
"Uh.. I just.. just wanted to know if you will come to school tomorrow." She said.


What? she called to ask me if I will come to school tomorrow?
"Yes I will. Now I have to go do some homework." Saying that I banged down the phone.


My parents knew the date too well. My mother had smile on her face and I knew that a question would follow anytime. Before I could rush out of the room she asked -- "Who was it?"


"Just a friend. Had some doubt. Now it's solved."


It was far from solved.


The next day, we met after school in the corridor near the school library. Everybody had already left the building. We were the only ones in the corridor. She had a glittery pink packet in her hand. She looked at me and smiled. My expression remained unchanged.


"I wanted to give you this." She said.
"I dont want anything from you." I said bluntly.
"Please." She said. Her eyes pleaded to just have a look inside the packet.


I was angry at her. More than her, I was angry at myself. How could I be so shallow? But why did she have to call my home in the night on Valentine's day? What was wrong with her?


"No. I dont want to. And I want to clear out some stuff for you --" I was angry and my choice of words made sure I sent out the same message. But before I could say anything, she said--


"I love you."


I felt the insides of my gut heat up, i felt hot acidic fluid corrode my insides.


"Well I hate you. Do you get it? I hate you."


I said it. Not once but twice.


I walked out of there. I left her standing there all alone. I didnt even look back at her.


In a few days, the giggling stopped. Suman stopped staring at me in lunch hour.


She will get over it. I was sure. It was for the best.


------------------




We left school school after the 10th standard, a good three years after the 7th standard. So much had happened in those three years. Crushes. Quasi-love. Heart-break. We were now mature, wise 16 year olds or so we thought. The world was waiting for us.


On the last day of school, we dressed up in our formal best to bid our goodbyes. The boys dressed in formal shirts or suits while for most girls it was their first chance to wear a saree.


The girls normally cried as they said their goodbyes. Some of the guys did too. Well, I am not a cryer. If you ask me, I dont even remember the last time I cried. Not that I am proud of it.


Suman came up to me. She wore a white saree and a worried look.
"Can I have a picture with you?" She said. This was the first time we had spoken after that incident. "Please?"


I had turned her 'please' down once upon a time.


"I would love to." I said.


And I placed my hand across her shoulder. I looked at her and the big smile that had suddenly appeared on her face from nowhere. And we got our picture taken.


"Thanks. I will keep this picture with me." She said. "I hope we meet sometime in the future."


I am not sure, but I think I saw a tear in her eye.


It made a dent in me somewhere.


--------------------------


I have never said - I hate you - to anyone ever. And I hate myself for the single time that I said it. I wonder if I should have been kinder to her and looked what was in that packet - maybe a greeting card was in it, or maybe a poem... I could have read it, at least. But I didnt.


I have never searched for her on Orkut or Facebook. I dont know what she looks like now. I dont know what college she went to. I dont know if she has a boyfriend or if she is married. Maybe she even has children. I dont know.


But I dont wanna know all that. I just wanna remember her as she was in that picture. I just wanna tell myself that among all the pain and hurt I had caused her, once, just once, I was able to make her smile.

- Arshat Chaudhary


The girl you didnt search for...SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary

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22 letters to the editor  

What kind of Indian are you?

So last time I wrote this post to help you identify the European around you. Now to be fair, I am gonna help my firang friends identify us. Yes, I intend to make jokes on Indians. If you have a weak heart or your last name is Kalmadi (The poor guy has too many jokes cracked on him already), kindly leave.

So like I promised, I am back with "What kind of Indian are you?"



Now if you have been a regular reader of my blog (which you should be going by the amazingly awesome content that I write on this blog) you would know me by now. So, you know how I am gonna go about this -

I am going to sort Indians into different groups based on what region they are from. Obviously, I am not aiming at a PhD, so I take no guarantee of the data I throw here.

Having spent enough time in Germany, I have learnt to do stuff in an orderly manner (they are killing my indiscipline, I tell you). So, this is how we go about finding what Indian you are. We ll talk about - 1.Looks: 2. life: 3.Food: 4.Motto:

I could have thrown in a few Pie-charts and graphs, but in my last 2 years of MBA, I have learnt not to work for anything I am not getting graded on.
So here my dear firang friends, here we go -

Indians:
As the firangs must have identified from the Exhibit A (myself), Indians are a cool breed. We come in varying degrees of browness unlike the others from the sub-continent (read Pakis, Lankans etc.). We like to be in groups. Esp when we are in Europe. You see, we are so used to seeing crowds, the European streets make us uneasy. So we always leave the house in groups of 3, you know what they say - 2 is company, 3 is a crowd! (hehe, small joke).

We are extremely helpful. We might not know a word of German, but if you are a German from a small town in Austria (which implies you dont know English), we will make sure you reach your destination.

There is only one cuisine in the world my dear firang friends, and it's Indian. And there are around 15 types of Indian cuisine!
We dont like learning new languages -- not that we arent good at it --if you have met me, you should know we are good at practically everything. :P Also, note that we have 27 languages in our country. And 1800 dialects. Most countries in Europe have 1800 people!

We are all about numbers. Not only are we good at it (As you might have noticed here), we use it to crack jokes --For eg- There are more "Guptas" in India than "people" in Europe.

Now we move to identifying different Indians from different places in India. This part of the post is addressed to everyone in the world (and out of it too). Indians, non-Indians, Scarlett Johansson (what? she's out of this world!)
If you know me, I will start from the region which according to me has the hottest women.

1. Pallakad:

Everyone whose not associated with the South is wondering where this place is. Well, it lies on the border of Tamil nadu and Kerala. There is something in the waters here which makes the women super hot.

Looks: Women hot. Guys not. Seriously, watch south Indian movies if you want. The heros look really bad. Not that I am complaining...

Life: Children know tables from 2 to 30, by the time they leave kindergarden. 'B' is considered to be a bad grade. Second rank is for losers. They have an algorithm for everything. Money saved is Money earned.

Food: If the women are so dishy, the food has to be tasty too... There are around 37 types of dosas. If you are a northie wondering - "Oye paaji, yeh dosa-shosha bhi koi khaane ki cheej hai...". I say, when a hot girl in a Kaanjeevaram saree serves you, you dont say no! :)

Motto: If you have a brain, use it to make an algorithm!


2. Gujrati:

I have spent most my life in Mulund (a suburb in Mumbai). The colourful nature of the suburb is largely coz of the gujju poplulation living here. In fact, this might come as a surprise, by the most suburbs worth living in Mumbai are gujju populated... this, despite the loud Navratris garbas.

Looks: The only community in India where the men dress up more than women. The women are good to look at but talk only about SRK, Indian Idol and Khichdi... So, if you arent in touch with one of these subjects, you are at a loss. Gujju men are the reson why even Arrow shirts has to come out with floral prints in their formal shirts line.

Life: You dont buy anything that isnt flashy enough. The flash should be directly proportional to the price. If the kid is good, he can study, if he's not, he ll work in Praful mama's jewelery shop in Ghatkopar. Dandiya is the greatest gift to man kind and should be used at every occasion possible.

Motto: Why work for others when you can have your own shop?


3. Delhi-ites/Punjabis:


Well, if it offends the Delhiwalas reading this blog, well... toh ho jau bhai offend... the thing is the Punjus own Delhi...

Looks: Girls look the same - Short, straight hair, slightly plump... it has somehing to do with the butter in the diet...They are kinda cute till they get married. Within three years of marriage however, they start looking like their mothers... Men in Delhi single handedly drive the sales of Amul butter. Hyundai sells 70% of their Santros here! Every body owns a santro! And everybody in Delhi has two cars. If you have just one car you are poor and no one will talk to you, except other poor people.

Life: What good are you if you dont have a gaddi? And what good is your gaddi if it doesnt have a 6000 Watt speaker? And what good is your speaker if you dont roll down your windows and let it blast? If you are a good kid, you will end up in IIT Delhi, if not, toh bhai pappu ko Pulsar le denge.. ghumaya karna masti mein!

Motto: What is life without some show shining?

4. Bengalis

The torchbearers of India... They usually bring in Nobel prize, Booker prize and other such prizes which dont really help the Indian economy in any way...

Looks: The girls are pretty. The guys are not. If you happen to visit Shantiniketan, things might be exact opposite...

Life: If there is no kid in the family who's either a Author, Economist or such, the parents have failed miserably at bringing up the child... Children learn to write peotry in the 2nd standard. By the time they reach the 4th standard, they get nominated for the Man Booker...

Motto: Jai Bangla! Jai Sourav Dada!

5. Mumbaikars

Now that I have covered all 4 parts of the country, let me take you to the oh-so-awesome part of the country. Well, my firang friends, if you have visited India and went to places like Varanasi, Cochin and such, dont come back and tell me you have seen India... Coz my dear friend, if you havent seen Mumbai, you havent seen the best of India (or the World!)

You might have spent your best years in New York, London, Paris or Berlin, but if you havent been here, it's time u booked a ticket. Well, there is only one city my friends, the rest are just trying hard.

Looks: The girls come from all corners of the country. So lets just say they get prettier and more self confident when they come here. The guys gets more self disciplined if they have been wild, and wild if they have been self disciplined.

If you have a day to live, go stand at Dadar station, coz the end of the day my friend, you would have lived a lifetime.. ~Arshat Chaudhary

Life: If the kid bats well, he ll become Sachin Tendulkar... if not, he ll still make enough money by selling vada pavs outside CST. Kids are taught to run since kindergarden... There are special classes for running.. This training is later used to run behind buses, trains...

Motto: Time is money

So, this is my way to payback to Europe. You gave me a place to stay and I educated you guys about our awesome culture and our awesome people - their looks, life and motto....

Well, after all this awesomery, I am tired and should go get some rest.

For people whom I have offended through this post, well, I say it was fun, should do it again... :P
If I havent mentioned the people from your area, well, if you write about it, I promise I ll carry the link on my site and make your blog famous... :P What kind of Indian are you?SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary

Current Issues: , , , , , ,
6 letters to the editor  

What kind of European are you?

[Warning: Very Informative post]

Over the years I have accumulated amazing skill in identifying people's accents. Yes, I started work on Tamilians and Mallus. Most of you Punju's reading this dont even know that Tamil and Mallu are two different languages. Don't worry. Most Mallus think there is not much difference between a Punjabi and a Hariyanvi...

Seriously not kidding -
Friend: "Arre tu Punjab kab jaa raha hai?"
Me: "Punjab?"
Friend: "Haan... MDI, Gurgaon?"
Me: "Abbe woh Punjab mein nahi... Haryana mein hai!!!"
Friend: "Oh... Different hai kya dono jagah?"
Me: *Disappointment*

Well, to be a true Mumbaikar you should forget that there is a world beyond Mumbai. And you dont have to have your last name as Apte, Madhukar, Thakrey etc to be a true blue Mumbaikar. You just have to have utter disregard for presence of a world outside.

Gupta saab: "My son works in Pune"
Thankrey saab: "Pune? Where is it?"

Yes. The world is divided into North Mumbai and South Mumbai. (Subject of another post)

Today, I am going to teach you how to find what European is the white guy standing in front of you. Next week, I ll teach the Europeans how to find what Indian is the brown guy standing in front of you. (Subject of another post... kitne subject mil rahe hain aaj)


But first thing first - I have installed like and Share buttons on every post. Do make ample use of those. And do join the fan page for The Time(pass) Of India. It is very important.

Now, you guys have always known that I am super awesome. Time has come that I reinstate that fact.

My class in ESCP (Which now is the #1 college in the world) had around students coming from 20 nationalities. So it was obvious that I was gonna pick on the subtleties of the accents. So here we go -

What kind of Europeans are they?

French:
*The easiest to identify. If a group of girls are standing talking among themselves and the language turns you on, then they gotta be french.

*If you find someone paying huge amounts of money for small quantities of food - they are french.

*If you meet them in their house and the clothes they wear indoors are better than the clothes you wear outdoors, they gotta be french.

*If you are in a hurry: you want to find if they are french or not - Ask them to say the word - "Home". Yeah. Easy. They ll pronounce it -"Ome". True French guys dont pronounce H.


Italians:
*Again easy to identify. While Indians in europe will give their right arm for a good Indian restaurant, Italians in Europe will never eat in an Italian restaurant coz it's not authentic enough!

* Their name or Surname ends with E, I or O. It has to be one of the three.

* The north Italians dont like the south Italians and vice-versa. Hmm... Very much like Mumbai. Mumbai, I think is slightly bigger though.


Germans:
* Tough to point out coz most of them speak good English.

* Will drive on of the following - Merc, Audi, VW. A true German never drives an Opel. Coz GM owns it. And screwed it.

* Will wear on of the following colours - Black, dark Blue, Grey, dark Grey, White. All other colours are considered gaudy.

* If you are in a hurry: to find out if they are German or not - Ask them a sentence with the word "already". Germans misplace "already". For eg- "We have talked already with the Professor."


Spanish:
* You cant go wrong here. Super easy. They are just spanish. And no, not all Spanish guys look like Antonio Banderas. And not all Spanish women look like Salma Hayek... Ah... Salma Hayek.

* If you are in a hurry: Ask them to say - "Project". They ll say -"Proyect." J is pronounced as Y in spanish.


English:
* If you think they are having serious problems speaking the Queen's English, they gotta be British. It has been proved that the British way of speaking English uses up 70% more calories than normal.

* A true English man wont call himself British.

* If you are in a hurry: Ask them to say "Tata". Now that Tata is buying their companies like that guy did in the "Rajnigandha pan masala" ad, everybody in Queens land knows what it is. They pronounce it as "Tatarrr". Yes, complete Indianization of Britian is gonna take longer than expected. :P


Scandinavian:
* If you find a white person, whiter than others and who speaks decent English, it's gotta be a Scandinavian. Now you cant ask what kind of Scandinavian he is. That would be too much. How big is Scandinavia anyway? As big as Mumbai? :P


American:
* Good people. Good sitcoms. Utter disregard for Grammar. Easy to identify. If they make too grammatical many mistakes with too much confidence, they gotta be Americans.


Well, I think that is about it. If I havent mentioned your nationality, well, it must not be that important. Or maybe there are more students in MDI than in all of your country. If MDI had its way, it would have it's own nationality. the students would be called Mandevians. And you would need a visa to study there. Wait. You do need to crack the CAT to study there. So yes, MDI is a country in its own.

So done. Just to be fair -

Indian:
* Brown. Easy to identify. Usually found around Indian restaurants. Doesnt find Indian food in Europe authentic, still spends 10 Euro per meal whnever he visits Amrit/Masala/Mirchi etc.

* To distinguish a group of Indians from other south Asian nationalities is very easy. You ll find various degrees of browness in them. You see, some of them are from the south, some from the north and some from Mumbai. But the major factor is the awesomeness of that group.

* In case of hurry: Just ask a group of Indians an address (Indians are always found in a group). Even if they landed yesterday, they will try to help you. Only one in five Indians has acceptable levels of English. Even the one who does, makes the Queen cringe under her crown. Like they say - Heavy lies the head that colonises other countries.



That is about it. This is such an informative post, I wonder if I should put it up on wikipedia.

If I have hurt the sentiments of people of different nationalities, well, if I cared, I wouldnt have written this post in the first place.

Anyway, join the fan page. Be a part of the awesome. http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Timepass-Of-India/117871761604310?ref=ts

Next week - What kind of Indian are you. Stay tuned.






What kind of European are you?SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary

Current Issues: , , , , , , ,
10 letters to the editor  

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