The TimePass of India

I have been a little busy over the last few days.. not that you miss me not blogging or anything, but just felt you would like to know.. Did I hear you asking why am I busy? (Well, dont answer, I am on the other side of the screen and I cant hear you.. bwahaha..er.. sorry)

So, I got my tooth cavity filled.. I have been blessed with a good set of teeth, I have never had any problems so never had to visit a dentist ever.. Most of my friends have spent a small fortune at the dentist after spending half a fortune on Cadbury.. I have had these guys telling me their experiences at the dentist, so I thought now that I have an experience why not share it..

Yeah yeah.. I know.. Getting your cavity filled is nothing to blog about, but if you have been playing attention, my last post was about a speaking dog.. So now that I have set really low stds for myself, I can blog about any crap that comes to my mind.. So here goes..

The place was huge and really clean.. I sat at the reception along with the other er.."patients"

"Mr. Chaudhary? You are in next..", said the receptionist.
I love being called Mr.Chaudhary.. Its so, u know, grownup..

I entered the cabin.
The dentist was a lady in her late twenties, she had a mask on her mouth, but had really pretty brown eyes and long hair.. Something told me she was a south Indian, probably Tamil.. (I have a southie fetish )
"Umm.. Chaudhary.. Arshat Chaudhary, right?"
Man! this was like James Bond..
"Yeah.. 007"
"What? is that your phone number..? Pls fill it in here..", she said, handing me the patient card..
No sense of humour these doctors have I tell you.. (I was to be proved wrong)

I filled up all the details and then sat on the Dentist chair, which is pretty much like a barbers chair, only at an more obtuse angle....
"Heylo doctor", I said as I lay down on the chair
"Hello", she said
"I am kinda nervous.. I have never been to a dentist before.. Its my first filling"
"Oh.. Dont worry.. Its my first too"
(startled)"huh?"
"joke tha baba"
"phew"
"I have done atleast 3 fillings before this"
(startled)"huh?"
"hee hee.. I meant today"

This was gonna be one long session..


What kinda filling would you like?
Umm.. Chocolate?bwhahahahah
No no.. I meant, silver or tooth coloured filling?
Hmm.. silver.. I mean, atleast I can sell it in times of need.. bwahahaha..
umm.. satish, bring the drill.. the BIG one..
She didnt like the joke it seemed..

Satish was her assistant,he seemed more than happy to get her the big drill.. He had that look on his face.. You know, the kinda look that says somebody-gonna-hurt-real-bad-tonight

The engineer in me noticed that there was a hermetically sealed compressor in the corner of the room. The engineer in me awakened (I would have liked had it awakened when I was giving my sem 7 exams)-
Hey! Thats a hermetically sealed compressor!
Hermi.. what?
Umm.. never mind.. What would you doctors do without us engineers!
She looked at me...Her eyes didnt look pretty to me anymore.. The big drill in her hand was making grrring noises..
We will see..Now this is gonna hurt.. Dont scream..
Oh, dont worry.. We men dont scream.. we fight.. we hunt.. but we dont scream..ow ow ow..

With that it started.. The drill drilling into my tooth.. I learnt a new thing bout the human mouth that day,- If someone drills into your tooth, it will hurt!....

one more thing I learnt - If someone puts their hand inside your mouth and you dont get to close your mouth for a long time, a lotta saliva collects in your mouth..
The dentist had a female assistant whose job was to place a pipe in my mouth which wud suck out the saliva, but she wasnt doing her job properly, some of my saliva drooled onto my shirt.. I dont think her heart was in that job.. But in her defense, who would find sucking saliva outta a guys mouth interesting?!



With a good amount of drool making my shirt wet, which btw doesnt happen too often.. It kinda happens only when I look at Salma Hayek, or when I am waiting for food to be served at a restaurant (Is that why girls dont come out with me the second time? :P) Anyways, the point is that my shirt was getting wet, and I dont like me gettin wet in public (or in private.. bathing is such a pain )
The dentist, however, was enjoying every moment of it..
"Satish, miracle mix and Zinc phosphate banana.."
Satish enthusiastically started mixing stuff that came outta weird looking bottles..

"Open wider....God.. this is the biggest cavity I have ever seen.....biggest cavity I have ever seen"
"Why did you say that twice? I am nervous already.."
"Oh.. I just said it once, the second time it was the echo! hahahaha"
hahahah.. Satish and the female assistant joined in..
"Yeah yeah.. very funny.."


Once the miracle mix was placed in the cavity, the job was done.. All I needed now is to get outta here...

Hmm, so Arshat, how do you like your filling?
umm.. I like it..
Good.. so if you have any other problems you can call me, my name and number is on the bill..
Yeah.. And you can call me too, my number is on the patient card..
Err.. Yeah.. right..
Wow.. this bill is kinda steep.. Dont I get a funny guy or a cute guy discount..

The dentist, satish and the female assistant gathered in a huddle to discuss my discount..
I heard satish saying - he was funny alright..
not that much - the assitant added
But that chocolate filling thing was hilarious..
yeah.. tht was good..
so what say? shud we reduce 150 rs?
150? u think he was that worth it?
okay then 100?
umm..okay

The dentist left the huddle- Arshat you ll be getting a 100 rupee discount..
Yeey!

I paid the bill.. I was happy on receiving my cute guy discount.. I know.. I know.. But its my blog, and I can say whtevr I want to...

As I left the clinic, I thought bout the Dentist, and Satish and the female assistant.. Its a boring job that they do if you ask me, I mean what can be more boring than sucking saliva outta a guys mouth or drilling a hole through his teeth or mixing ZnPo4 and miracle mix, but the entusiasm with which they work makes me feel good bout them.. And if hadnt been for them, I wudnt have silver in my teeth!

P.S. - The dentists name was Dr. Iyer btw.. She was tamil afterall!

P.S.- I figured most of us have been watching the news about Mumbai Attacks, so I half-cooked this post up.. Hope I have managed to extract a smile or two through this post... Silver in my teeth : One hour at the dentist

Part 2 of the "Hey Dog" trilogy.(Yeah, just like MATRIX!!)

Read the Part 1 -Hey Dog (The original dog!) here..
Read the Part 2 -Hey Dog (Dog's day out!) here..
Read the Part 3 - Hey Dog (The return of the wise one) here..
(No reference between the three, just like MATRIX!!)

I took a trip to Manori again the other day.. I now like the place even more than I did the last time.. I went there alone this time coz I wanted some peace and quiet for a few days, get away from the world, stuff like that..
The staff at the resort were increasingly nice to me, maybe coz I was alone.. I think they saw me as a loser who likes to spend his holidays alone (which was partly true.. er... no, not the loser part.. The part that I like being alone). The guys there upgraded my room to a nicer, roomier room for no extra charge!

Not only the staff but even Dogs there were nice to me..

Now I am not too fond of dogs, for that matter, I m not particularly fond of any animal, but yeah, I dont mind them being around.

So, as soon as I reached the place, I hit the beach.. I ran along the stretch, took a few pics of the setting sun, saw the sky change its colour every minute and sat on the rocks which were still warm as the sun melted into the ocean..



Once it was too dark, I returned back to the resort.. As I was walking, I noticed a white dog was following me..
I stopped.. He stopped.. I started walking again.. He started walking again.. The problem with dogs is that you dont really know why they are doing what they are doing.. And you cant befriend them by offering them some gum.. They apparently like bones, and for some reason I dont carry extra bones with me..

It was getting really dark now. My fav thing in the resort are the hammocks they have put up outside the cottages.. I lay down on one of the hammocks.. As soon as I settled down in it, the same dog came and sat below my hammock..

I am not scared of dogs, so I didnt mind him much, but I wanted to know what did he want.. But he was wagging his tail, and from what I have learnt from my CS class(Communication Skills) in engg, that means that the doggy is happy and he means no harm..

Next morning I forgot everything bout the dog, and set out for a run on the beach.. Thats when I again felt someone following me, I checked to find it was the same dog..

Inorder that you believe that its true, I have the clip as the proof..

Please note how when I increase my pace, the dog also increases his. When I turn right, he turns right.. When I stop, he stops.. I have heard that animals can be very camera conscious, so I tried shooting this discreetly.. that is one of the reasons why u see my shoulder in the video..
To make the shoot more authentic, I show that my hands are empty (Like David Blaine does at the start of a magic trick) and that the dog is following me without me doing anything special.. (not that I am particularly proud of it..)





I admit that I was getting a bit nervous by then.. I didnt know what to expect.. I started to run on the beach trying to lose him.. The faster I ran, the gutsier his chase became.. I saw in some Vinod Khanna movie that you run in a zigzag manner if you have to confuse a dog.. Though it works only when the dog is following your scent and you are outta its vision.. Here, I was right before him.. Still, I decided to give it a try.. I started running in a zigzag line.. A few of the locals gathered around me coz they expected me to break into their local dance form after the zigzag run.. But I didnt know the local dance form, so did a Govinda meri-pant-bhi-sexy routine there.. Somehow they werent impressed..


In the commotion, the dog lost the track of my scent or whatever it was that he liked in me.. Happy to not have a tail behind me, I plugged in my music player and started running to Nickelback's Rockstar.. As I was running I heard a lot of panting.. As far as I remembered Nickelback dont pant that much while singing.. Still running, I looked over my shoulder to find two dogs, yeah, not one, but two dogs running with me.. Running, and at the same time smelling each others, you know what..



i ran fast, they ran fast.. I ran faster, they ran faster.. I got tired, they didnt.. In my defence, they have 4 legs while I have only 2.. sucks, i tell you!


I dont know if I smelled too good, or too bad(coz I have seen them chase the Garbage trucks) that turned them on or something.. To check, I got close to a pig, gave him a whiff of my..er.. body scent, but it didnt follow me..



That means my deodorant was still working.. It was meant to attract girls, but look what it was getting me - a couple of dogs, not even bitches, but dogs! Not that I have any interest in bitches.. er.. anyway.. the point is that they followed me till it was time for me to leave..

I packed my bags, locked my cottage, and paid all the bills.. I was still being followed by the two dogs.. And I was getting irritated..

"Hey Dog! Look, I am really getting irritated with you constantly following me..What in the world do you want? ", I asked..
"Hey Human!"
Wow.. you can talk..?!!
Yeah.. or maybe its your imagination..
Oh.. maybe..
So why do u humans come here, stay for a while and then leave?
Hmm.. I guess we do that to get away from stuff.. you know.. relax a bit..
You like the beach..??
Yeah.. I do.. I like the ocean kinda..
Because it makes you realise how small and insignificant you are..
Wow.. those are big thoughts coming from someone who licks his own, u know wht, for fun...bwahahahaha..
Hey! Dont be jealous coz u cant do it..!
I am not, trust me..
So you come here to getaway, relax and in short have fun,right?
Yeah.. well put..
hmm..
What do you guys do around here to have fun..?
Oh.. we follow unsuspecting humans staying here in the cottage till they get irritated and frustated.. It is really a cool modus operandi developed by my friend(pointing to the brown dog) changu.. We just follow them, we dont bark, we dont bite.. just follow... We keep them guessing bout what we want..
Oh.. sounds familiar.. So what happens to those humans..?
Nothing major, they start talking to us and in their imagination see us talking back to them.. bow- wow! weirdos u humans are i tell you..
Yeah.. right.. I need to go now.. Please dont follow me anymore..
Oh.. Dont worry mate.. We wont.. And your imagination will be back to normal once you leave this island..
I sure hope to..



P.S. - To my friends : If you find me digging for bones in my garden, kindly inform Paris Hilton..

Hey Dog (Part 2) - Dog's day out..

This is a pretty long post.. Such a day comes in a players life only once, and I think he deserves the perfect farewell for all that he has done for the game. This is more than a farewell though.. This is about what Dada means to this blogger.




On the off side, first there is God then there is Ganguly!
- Rahul Dravid



There comes a time in everyones life when they want someone who could make everything right.. We look in different directions to find that one hero who makes us believe in ourselves.. some find the hero in their best friend, some in their teachers, some in themselves, I found him in Sourav Chandidas Ganguly..

I was 12 when he first hit that maiden century at Lords.. I don't think at that point I saw him as a hero.. He was just another bespectacled kid who had a moustache which looked like it had been pasted on.. Well, he was 23 back then, not so much a kid, but that age is adolescence in a cricketers life..


The reason why I feel so close to Dada is coz I have grown up with him.. Ofcourse there is a 12 year difference between our ages, but I have grown up seeing him evolve as a player and then as a Leader..

Dada became my hero when he became the captain of the Indian side. He changed the face of Indian cricket.. No, Sachin Tendulkar didn't change the face of Indian Cricket, with due respect to the batting maestro, piling up 15k runs doesn't amount to changing the face of Indian cricket.. If you saw India meekly surrender matches in the 1990s and then fight till the last ball in the 2000s, you will understand what a force Dada has been in this team and how he has changed the way we look at Indian cricket..


When you are a teenager theres nothing more important than proving that your hero kicks every other hero's ass... Mumbai is predominantly anti-dada. I remember spending hours arguing with my friends and family proving Dada's contribution to the game is unparalleled.. Now he might not be as good as batsman as Tendulkar, Dravid or Laxman. But his batting coupled with his captaincy, makes him as tall as the aforementioned.. perhaps taller..


Dada's arrogance is legendary but so is his trust in his players. His coming late for the toss, keeping Steve Waugh waiting showed that we were ready to give it back to them.. every glare was returned...every question answered..F words flying everywhere.. every player backed -from Yuvraj to Harbhajan.. barechested bonhomie on the Lords balcony as the English watched bewildered... thats passion..

If I am not wrong, in the last 10 years, no Indian cricketer has lost more percentage of his match fee to disciplinary action than Sourav... Every third match he lost 20 to 50% of his match fee! That brashness however brought something intangible to the team.. Something that was very untypical to Indians.. The freedom to do what they wanted to, if they felt it was right..

Sourav is a dreamer... a believer.. an administrator.. a motivator.. the perfect friend.. the honest foe.. He taught us to believe in ourselves, back the people we love, give it back to the men who bully you, kick butt, and above all do what you think is right..

Do what you think is right! This has been his philosophy all along, hasn't it? He married Dona (who for me is still among the most desirable women in the country) against his family's wishes.. Backed Bhajji when he wasn't among the wickets, backed Yuvraj when he wasn't a 6x6 force..


Then one day, admists allegations of sourav faking injuries, he was unceremoniously dropped..
Remember how a certain selector had declared that Ganguly wont get selected till hes in the selection committee..?

Dada was pushed into oblivion. The media spent precious air time to justify the move.. Everyone said Dadas time was up.. Dadas detractors were having the last laugh.. Back in college , I gave up on discussions with my friends.. There was nothing left to say... I was tired, of all the injustice being dealt to the man who had made the Indian team what it is today.. Harbhajan Singh and Yuvraj Singh did stand up for Dada, imagine such a thing happening in the politically driven BCCI.. They were very young back then, had the entire career ahead of them, still they stood up for their captain... that gesture summed up the importance of dada in the team.. it was his team..

Slowly everybody accepted the fact that Dada's chapter was over.. Even sourav's family members thought so...

Here is what Sourav's father had to say - "I thought my son had gone mad. He would bat in the living room at 12 in the night. He would make the servant bowl. I wanted his mother to tell him that it cant be done... that he cant make it to the Indian team..."

I remember telling my dad(whos not much of a dada fan) that he ll make it... it will take him 1 yr..2 yrs.. 5 yrs.. but he will comeback..

He had to comeback.. for his fans.. for everyone who idolised him... It hurts when you realise the one you idolise are as human as you are.. Failure is as much a part of their lives as it is yours.. But still you want your hero to dust it off and give it a last try..

The selection committee changed.. Sourav returned.. and how!



I feel he still has a couple of years of cricket left in him.. But this statement from him says it all..
"I was tired of being humiliated again and again. I don't want to play cricket at the mercy of others," Sourav Ganguly said in an interview..
India's most successful captain ever! And this is how bitter he has gotten..! I have always felt India lacks good leaders and now I know why.. Coz anyone who tries to make a difference, work against the system is pushed and poked, screwed and humiliated..till he gives up..



Now that he is retiring from the game, I am reminded of this story..
Samrat Ashok travels through his empire dressed as a commoner when a monk asks him who he was..
Ashok: Me? - A traveller..
Monk: Your presence says you are not that ordinary..
Ashok: What does it say? -(smiling) That I am a prince?
Monk: Even Princes are ordinary.. You seem to be greater than them..
Ashok: (quizzically)Who's greater than a Prince?
Monk: A traveller- when he meets his destination..


This Thursday when he wears the Indian whites for the last time, I hope he meets his destination..

Dada, you have made us proud...

Goodbye dear friend.. It wont be the same without you....

Thank you for the memories.... Goodbye Sourav : meet your destination..