The TimePass of India

Diaper Rash cream song

Part 3 (final and concluding part) of the "Hey Dog" trilogy.(Yeah, just like MATRIX!!)
Read the Part 1 -Hey Dog (The original dog!) here..
Read the Part 2 -Hey Dog (Dog's day out!) here..
Read the Part 3 - Hey Dog (The return of the wise one) here..
(No reference between the three, just like MATRIX!!)

There is this old dog who has made my building's garage his home. He spends the day lazing around, sleeping, wagging flies off his tail.. Sometimes he takes a stroll around the building, to check if everything is right in his kingdom.


Whenever I get out of the house to buy maggi rice noodles (Its addictive I tell you) hes there, looking at me.. As if saying- "Too much noodles is not good for you bow wow.."

Last week he shifted home from the garage to infront of my door. Now he lazes around sitting in front of the door. Whenever I open the door, hes there..

One day while I was leaving home to buy another pack of you-know-what.. I opened the door and stepped out, by mistake I stepped on the dog's tail..

"Bow wow wow.. ", he yelped..
I was confused. I didnt realise I had stepped on its tail..
"Whats wrong? You hungry doggy woggy?", I said (Note: I dont usually talk like tht)
"Bow wow bow wow.."
"Er?"
"Bow wow.. step off my tail you frickin moron!!"
I realised then that my right foot was on his tail.
"I am sooo sorry.. I didnt realise tht.. I didnt.. Dog!!Did you just talk?"
"Bow? Bow wow wow.. Bow wow!"
"Kid me not.. I heard you talking.."
"damn it.. "
"Wow.. A talking dog!"
"Wht do you mean a talking dog? all dogs can talk! All you need to do is step on their tails.." "Really? Step on their tails and they talk??!"
"Yeah.. either that or they bite.. one of the two for sure.."
"Oh.. darn.. Why didnt you bite?"
"I am too bored to bite.. I am old.. Plus I have cavities in my pre-canines.."
"Oh.. sucks.. er.. actually its good.. or else you would have bit me.. I really dont like the fact that when you bite humans the poor souls have to get 7 injections.."
"It was 14 when I was young.. And I think something is wrong with you humans, I have bitten Damnu, changu and mangu.. they never had to take any injections.."
"Oh.. why did you bite them?"
"They were eyeing my fourth wife..Ah..she was a Pomeranian.. I always had a thing for Polish beauties.."
"You guys have 4 wives?!!"
"4 wives and 3 mistresses.."
"3 mistresses? Shouldnt you be calling them you bitch-tresses?! hahahh snort..hahaha.."
"Watch your tongue.. I might be old, but wont take a word against my women.."
"Wow.. and by women you mean bitches.. hahaah.. hehe.. hahahaha.."
"Grrr.." , The dog bared his teeth..
"Sorry sorry.. I wont say a word now.. So, whats with 7 bitches mate? You must be a stud when young.."
"Hmm.. I kinda was, but you know how it is, we get more distinguished with age.. Young bitches want dogs who are well settled and respected.."
"Wow.. Its kinda like that even here.. Case in point : Richard Gere. He gets all the good ones.." "Yeah.. saw his photo in the paper once.. kissing some girl.."
"She was Shilpa Shetty.."
"Yeah.. She won Big Brother in the UK, didnt she?"
"Gee.. You know so much.."
"I used to sleep outside The Times of India in my early years.."
"Wow.. I could use your help.. My GD- PIs are coming up.."
"Anytime mate.."
So it had come down to this, taking a dogs help for mba entrance prep!
"Anyways mate, I gotta go.. have a date..See her there?"
"That white dog?"
"Shes a BITCH you idiot.."
"Oh.. sorry.."
"I dont look at your girl and say - that MAN, do I?"
"Really sorry.. I didnt..er.. look down there.. at her.. er.."
"Dont you dare look there.. or you ll be dog meat... and that dog would be me!"
"I didnt mean to.. er.."
"Dont you see her curvy shape, her lovely doe eyes, even her whiskers are so cute.."
"Er.. I.. I.. I am not much into bitches you know.."
"Anyways, I dont have time for stupid humans like you.. I have a date.."
"What do you do on a date, if you dont mind me asking.. As in, apart from the licking and smelling each other's you know what.."
"Oh, we havent got there yet.. We are just getting to know each other.."
"I see.. So what are you gonna do today? Going some place swanky?"
"Lemme see, first we will chase a few trucks, then maybe cross the road and scare a few drivers, after that I will take her to Hiranandani, some garbage cans they have, I tell you.. You should take your girl there sometime..."
"Umm.. I dont think she will be interested in garbage much.."
"Dont be so sure..!! Shes interested in you!!! bow wow woowwhoww..."
"Dont you have to go chase cars or something?"
"Yeah.. my bitch is waiting.. bye then.."
"Yeah, ..Even I have to buy stuff.."
"Too much Chinese noodles is not good for your health btw.."
"Umm, is it? People in China always eat Chinese food , ofcourse, there they just call it food.. The point being nothing happens to them.."
"They dont grow tall.. Someone like you would be tall, dark and handsome there.. or atleast tall, dark.."
"Hmm.. so I will reduce my noodles intake. Thanks 'wise one'. Can I call you that?"
"Is it sarcastic?"
"Pretty much..."
"Okay."
"bye."
"bow."

As I watched them walk away into the sunset, I couldnt help think of a similar pair in the human context..



Yes, Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty.. Hey Dog: The return of the wise one (Part 3)

Part 2 of the "Hey Dog" trilogy.(Yeah, just like MATRIX!!)

Read the Part 1 -Hey Dog (The original dog!) here..
Read the Part 2 -Hey Dog (Dog's day out!) here..
Read the Part 3 - Hey Dog (The return of the wise one) here..
(No reference between the three, just like MATRIX!!)

I took a trip to Manori again the other day.. I now like the place even more than I did the last time.. I went there alone this time coz I wanted some peace and quiet for a few days, get away from the world, stuff like that..
The staff at the resort were increasingly nice to me, maybe coz I was alone.. I think they saw me as a loser who likes to spend his holidays alone (which was partly true.. er... no, not the loser part.. The part that I like being alone). The guys there upgraded my room to a nicer, roomier room for no extra charge!

Not only the staff but even Dogs there were nice to me..

Now I am not too fond of dogs, for that matter, I m not particularly fond of any animal, but yeah, I dont mind them being around.

So, as soon as I reached the place, I hit the beach.. I ran along the stretch, took a few pics of the setting sun, saw the sky change its colour every minute and sat on the rocks which were still warm as the sun melted into the ocean..



Once it was too dark, I returned back to the resort.. As I was walking, I noticed a white dog was following me..
I stopped.. He stopped.. I started walking again.. He started walking again.. The problem with dogs is that you dont really know why they are doing what they are doing.. And you cant befriend them by offering them some gum.. They apparently like bones, and for some reason I dont carry extra bones with me..

It was getting really dark now. My fav thing in the resort are the hammocks they have put up outside the cottages.. I lay down on one of the hammocks.. As soon as I settled down in it, the same dog came and sat below my hammock..

I am not scared of dogs, so I didnt mind him much, but I wanted to know what did he want.. But he was wagging his tail, and from what I have learnt from my CS class(Communication Skills) in engg, that means that the doggy is happy and he means no harm..

Next morning I forgot everything bout the dog, and set out for a run on the beach.. Thats when I again felt someone following me, I checked to find it was the same dog..

Inorder that you believe that its true, I have the clip as the proof..

Please note how when I increase my pace, the dog also increases his. When I turn right, he turns right.. When I stop, he stops.. I have heard that animals can be very camera conscious, so I tried shooting this discreetly.. that is one of the reasons why u see my shoulder in the video..
To make the shoot more authentic, I show that my hands are empty (Like David Blaine does at the start of a magic trick) and that the dog is following me without me doing anything special.. (not that I am particularly proud of it..)





I admit that I was getting a bit nervous by then.. I didnt know what to expect.. I started to run on the beach trying to lose him.. The faster I ran, the gutsier his chase became.. I saw in some Vinod Khanna movie that you run in a zigzag manner if you have to confuse a dog.. Though it works only when the dog is following your scent and you are outta its vision.. Here, I was right before him.. Still, I decided to give it a try.. I started running in a zigzag line.. A few of the locals gathered around me coz they expected me to break into their local dance form after the zigzag run.. But I didnt know the local dance form, so did a Govinda meri-pant-bhi-sexy routine there.. Somehow they werent impressed..


In the commotion, the dog lost the track of my scent or whatever it was that he liked in me.. Happy to not have a tail behind me, I plugged in my music player and started running to Nickelback's Rockstar.. As I was running I heard a lot of panting.. As far as I remembered Nickelback dont pant that much while singing.. Still running, I looked over my shoulder to find two dogs, yeah, not one, but two dogs running with me.. Running, and at the same time smelling each others, you know what..



i ran fast, they ran fast.. I ran faster, they ran faster.. I got tired, they didnt.. In my defence, they have 4 legs while I have only 2.. sucks, i tell you!


I dont know if I smelled too good, or too bad(coz I have seen them chase the Garbage trucks) that turned them on or something.. To check, I got close to a pig, gave him a whiff of my..er.. body scent, but it didnt follow me..



That means my deodorant was still working.. It was meant to attract girls, but look what it was getting me - a couple of dogs, not even bitches, but dogs! Not that I have any interest in bitches.. er.. anyway.. the point is that they followed me till it was time for me to leave..

I packed my bags, locked my cottage, and paid all the bills.. I was still being followed by the two dogs.. And I was getting irritated..

"Hey Dog! Look, I am really getting irritated with you constantly following me..What in the world do you want? ", I asked..
"Hey Human!"
Wow.. you can talk..?!!
Yeah.. or maybe its your imagination..
Oh.. maybe..
So why do u humans come here, stay for a while and then leave?
Hmm.. I guess we do that to get away from stuff.. you know.. relax a bit..
You like the beach..??
Yeah.. I do.. I like the ocean kinda..
Because it makes you realise how small and insignificant you are..
Wow.. those are big thoughts coming from someone who licks his own, u know wht, for fun...bwahahahaha..
Hey! Dont be jealous coz u cant do it..!
I am not, trust me..
So you come here to getaway, relax and in short have fun,right?
Yeah.. well put..
hmm..
What do you guys do around here to have fun..?
Oh.. we follow unsuspecting humans staying here in the cottage till they get irritated and frustated.. It is really a cool modus operandi developed by my friend(pointing to the brown dog) changu.. We just follow them, we dont bark, we dont bite.. just follow... We keep them guessing bout what we want..
Oh.. sounds familiar.. So what happens to those humans..?
Nothing major, they start talking to us and in their imagination see us talking back to them.. bow- wow! weirdos u humans are i tell you..
Yeah.. right.. I need to go now.. Please dont follow me anymore..
Oh.. Dont worry mate.. We wont.. And your imagination will be back to normal once you leave this island..
I sure hope to..



P.S. - To my friends : If you find me digging for bones in my garden, kindly inform Paris Hilton..

Hey Dog (Part 2) - Dog's day out..

Part 1 of the "Hey Dog" trilogy.(Yeah, just like MATRIX!!)

Read the Part 1 -Hey Dog (The original dog!) here..
Read the Part 2 -Hey Dog (Dog's day out!) here..
Read the Part 3 - Hey Dog (The return of the wise one) here..
(No reference between the three, just like MATRIX!!)

Theres something I really love about my workplace. Its the lush green lawns, the gardens, the flowers in their full bloom..And I love the fact tht you have to walk along the gardens to reach the office from the campus gate...Its really lovely...It actually makes getting up early less miserable for me..

Nowadays a canine couple with pups in tow has made the garden its home...Now we dont allow anyone without an identification within the factory premises, but for these guys we made an exception...

I look at them enviously(you ll know why) every morning as I pass by the lawns to enter my office..
Its a family of 6..(or maybe 7)...There is one Daddy dog(sounds like some rapper no?)..one mother dog, and 4 or 5 pups(whtevr happened to family planning!)

This Daddy dog is kinda ugly, black and white in colour and looks kinda malnourished and limps a little... Mommy dog is all white and pretty(in a doggy kinda way).How on earth did a dog like him get such a pretty female to like him...The look like Mandira Bedi and her husband
would(who is he anyway?), if they ever went out together...

Anyways,
Some dogs have all the luck..
I mean, look at him, rolling in the grass all day, licking his..u know what...sniffing her..u know where..
Why? Why? Why did he get to all this fun((?)) stuff on a monday morning, while I sit at my desk and work all day!

I stopped by him(the dog)..I looked at him like Sunny Deol looks at people hes gonna pound with his dhai kilo ka haath.. He just looked away, like Sachin does, after hitting Shoaib for a six!

But there was no reason for me to be uncivilised..After all we were supposed to be best friends(Dog is mans best friend..Aaarrggh)...So I decided to go through a small chat..




Hey dog!

Hey dog!

Hey!!? Why did u call me dog for?

Bow-wow!..I thought we were doing tht rapper thingy...U know, where one rapper calls the other "nigga"....Btw, why did u get all mad when i called u dog?

Er..u see...we dont like being called dog...esp by a dog!

Hmm..i see..u humans are weird. I love being called dog..

Hmm..Is it fun being a dog?

Lemme see..I stay in a garden whose maintainance is done by ur company, and I dont work for ur company...And tht girl you losers have been eyeing for days now, stops by me to say-"How cute" everyday...so..i guess its fun being a dog...

Well,she says tht bout ur kids and not u...And I am not eyeing her, some of my friends are...and they are not losers..on second thoughts, maybe they are..

Hmm...u sound pretty cranky..Hows life?

Well mine is a dog's life..

GREAT!

Er..well..the word dog isnt taken in a good sense in our world...no offence..

Hmm..I see..So ur life is boring?

Kinda...I mean there nothing concrete tht i do..

Neither do I...

Thts why I said Its a dogs life!

You have any girlfriends?

No...Why?

I have lots! So ur is not a dogs life after all!

You have lot of girl friends? Shudnt you be calling them bitch-friends? bwhahaha

Hey! Watch ur tongue....

Er..Sorry! I didnt know u were so touchy about ur girls...Is your wife cool about it?

Yeah..kinda..

So, u dont have monogamy at your place?

I believe trust is more important than monogamy..

Man! u r too smart for a dog..

I know..I get tht a lot..

So...er..I dunno if I shud be asking you this..but how do u get the bitches to like u?

Oh..so u wanna get into the game...gonna get jiggy..gonna smack up some...

Will u pls stop tht!! Cut to the chase..

Er..bow wow!ok! ok! why r u so cranky! Well, if u hav to know - Its all in the sniffing!

Sniffing?

Yeah...ur first sniff is enough for her to know ur intentions..

Oh I see..I dunno why I asked a dog for advice! Monday blues I think..Dont u feel the blues on a monday morning?

No..er...Shudnt u be at work or something..I mean yours is a 8:45 shift, and its close to 9 now?

Yeah...I shud be...I shud get going..Was fun talking to you...

Same here..You cud have made a very good dog..

Thanks..er..i guess..



I turned around and started walking towards my office...Did I just talk to a dog for 15 mins! Guess I did..Man! I looked back..He was there, playing with two of his pups, the other three were still asleep cuddled next to their mommy, she licked them every once and again...It was a
pretty picture..

The ugly dog, didnt seem ugly anymore.. Hey dog!