The one...

A friend just got married yesterday. Another is about to get married next weekend..

I am old school when it comes to marriage. I believe in the institution of marriage and the purity of the concept. In fact, I am among those very few men who actually wanted to get married early. Early being 21. Yes yes.

I am 27 now and not married. I am glad I didnt marry at 21. I met many beautiful women in the last few years, in India and abroad. I tried understanding them, failed miserably, judged them, ranked them against one another in my mind (I am like that only) and some of them, I still love. To each of them, I am indebted in a way. For each meeting got me closer to that one special girl.

I am glad I didnt get married early. Getting married is a responsibility, which I might not have been able to shoulder at that age. Maybe I would have risen up to the challenge of starting a family. One of my friends did get married early and is blessed with a baby daughter. He is amongst the most level headed and grounded guys I know. I met him in MDI and one of the first things I asked him - Why did you get married so soon man? Like I expected him to repent his decision. He smiled.

Remember that movie - Dil toh Pagal hai? That scene in which Sharukh makes that face which makes girls swoon and guys cringe? "How would I know, that she is the one?" He asks. Gentle wind blows across from a Khaitan fan Yash Chopra uncle bought in the early 70s and has been using in each of his movies. An overweight Madhuri Dixit, the only one who didnt overact in that movie, giggles, her hair flowing in the gentle wind of the Khaitan fan, points towards the sky and says - "He will give a sign." And then SRK smiles and makes another constipated face. That movie is full of such crap.

Over the years our generations - the 80s kids - have been fed such useless info. I will tell you what happens when you meet that special one. My views summaries the different people I have met, who are happily married and stuff.

First and foremost, it happens when you least expect. If you are actively looking for someone and sending out desperado vibes (that is a thing), 'the one' will never happen. You might meet someone who you might be impressed with, but he/she is not 'the one'. They are probably, the second or the third, who you might end up spending your life with, but someday on a tuesday in your office elvator, you will meet someone and go - Ah, so this was the one! Too bad, now that you are married, nothing can be done. And for all you know, the second or the third might not be that bad, but nevertheless, the one will create an impact and change the scenario a bit.

You meet the one, more often than not, at a weird time in your life. Maybe when you are waiting for a bus, or studying real hard for the CAT, or in the office cafeteria. And no, nobody gives a sign. She doesnt pause and look at you between morsels of dosa from across the cafe, and he doesnt stop and turn around in slow motion and smile at her as he walks to get more coconut chutney from anna. That doesnt happen. And there surely isnt a Khaitan fan around. Love, if you can call it that, just happens.

Men and women, both have an idea of an ideal mate. And for neither, even men, this ideal isnt just skin deep. Both have an idea on how their spouse should be. What they should like, what basic qualities should they have, what kinda jobs should they be working at. Consciously or subconsciously we rate people in our heads, this is particularly true for seekers (Seekers, settlers, google on it for more) And then there comes someone who is better than all of them in so many ways. And in some ways that nobody can. That is how it starts happening.

I read a line somewhere, and it is beautiful - "I cant know everything about someone, except when I first look at him." I think this concept plays a huge part in how you decide they are 'the one'.

When I look at my friends I can see why they want to spend all their lives with that one person. That person fits the ideal. The person, is a lot like them, and still is so different. That person is better than they are, and that person makes them wanna be better - at everything. They want to have kids with them, because isn't that was life was meant to be. Slowly and surely, they form their own special world within the big bad world.

So, the next time, when you feel like that about someone, take a step in their direction, and tell them how you feel, for you dont want to meet them 10 years later in your office elevator and think - Things could have been different.

For all those who have taken a plunge and are settling with their ones - Congratulations.

Dedicated to Hiren Rathod who got married to his one yesterday. 
Dedicated to Ram, who gets married next weekend. 










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8 letters to the editor:

    On October 21, 2012 at 7:35 PM     
    Janani said...

    I like your post. Is it arranged marriage or love marriage for your friends and colleague?

    On October 22, 2012 at 3:41 PM     
    Sonal said...

    yes of course i read it

    well well well,,,,,yet again to the point. it so happens that if u put someone on radar, u DO NOT end up marrying that person. and one fine day, someone comes in.......this is called destiny

    @Janani: Thanks :) It is an arranged marriage

    @Sonal: Thank you

    @Viralisied
    :)

    On October 24, 2012 at 1:23 AM     
    Alhad said...

    Good post. However I don't quite believe in love at first sight. So many potential sole mates turn out to be "not the one I had expected" ones. One cannot tell whether he/she is the one till we get to know each other. They make each other feel good about themselves. And this is more than just a passing feeling.

    arshat..that sums it up..i have been tired of explaning it to my family / friends/ well wishers abt what m looking for..guess time to make them read this as i have been fighting tirelessly for that-special-one-someday-who-may-sweep-me-off-my feet.. ;) u write so mast!! kudos mr.author

    its a really nice post...read after very long time :) but i slightly disagree with you though. I dont think you can see someone for the first time and know they are the one. Over the time we spend with people, it comes across that maybe he/she is "the one"

    Completly agree with u