Part 3 (final and concluding part) of the "Hey Dog" trilogy.(Yeah, just like MATRIX!!)
Read the Part 1 -Hey Dog (The original dog!) here..
Read the Part 2 -Hey Dog (Dog's day out!) here..
Read the Part 3 - Hey Dog (The return of the wise one) here..
(No reference between the three, just like MATRIX!!)
There is this old dog who has made my building's garage his home. He spends the day lazing around, sleeping, wagging flies off his tail.. Sometimes he takes a stroll around the building, to check if everything is right in his kingdom.
Whenever I get out of the house to buy maggi rice noodles (Its addictive I tell you) hes there, looking at me.. As if saying- "Too much noodles is not good for you bow wow.."
Last week he shifted home from the garage to infront of my door. Now he lazes around sitting in front of the door. Whenever I open the door, hes there..
One day while I was leaving home to buy another pack of you-know-what.. I opened the door and stepped out, by mistake I stepped on the dog's tail..
"Bow wow wow.. ", he yelped..
I was confused. I didnt realise I had stepped on its tail..
"Whats wrong? You hungry doggy woggy?", I said (Note: I dont usually talk like tht)
"Bow wow bow wow.."
"Er?"
"Bow wow.. step off my tail you frickin moron!!"
I realised then that my right foot was on his tail.
"I am sooo sorry.. I didnt realise tht.. I didnt.. Dog!!Did you just talk?"
"Bow? Bow wow wow.. Bow wow!"
"Kid me not.. I heard you talking.."
"damn it.. "
"Wow.. A talking dog!"
"Wht do you mean a talking dog? all dogs can talk! All you need to do is step on their tails.." "Really? Step on their tails and they talk??!"
"Yeah.. either that or they bite.. one of the two for sure.."
"Oh.. darn.. Why didnt you bite?"
"I am too bored to bite.. I am old.. Plus I have cavities in my pre-canines.."
"Oh.. sucks.. er.. actually its good.. or else you would have bit me.. I really dont like the fact that when you bite humans the poor souls have to get 7 injections.."
"It was 14 when I was young.. And I think something is wrong with you humans, I have bitten Damnu, changu and mangu.. they never had to take any injections.."
"Oh.. why did you bite them?"
"They were eyeing my fourth wife..Ah..she was a Pomeranian.. I always had a thing for Polish beauties.."
"You guys have 4 wives?!!"
"4 wives and 3 mistresses.."
"3 mistresses? Shouldnt you be calling them you bitch-tresses?! hahahh snort..hahaha.."
"Watch your tongue.. I might be old, but wont take a word against my women.."
"Wow.. and by women you mean bitches.. hahaah.. hehe.. hahahaha.."
"Grrr.." , The dog bared his teeth..
"Sorry sorry.. I wont say a word now.. So, whats with 7 bitches mate? You must be a stud when young.."
"Hmm.. I kinda was, but you know how it is, we get more distinguished with age.. Young bitches want dogs who are well settled and respected.."
"Wow.. Its kinda like that even here.. Case in point : Richard Gere. He gets all the good ones.." "Yeah.. saw his photo in the paper once.. kissing some girl.."
"She was Shilpa Shetty.."
"Yeah.. She won Big Brother in the UK, didnt she?"
"Gee.. You know so much.."
"I used to sleep outside The Times of India in my early years.."
"Wow.. I could use your help.. My GD- PIs are coming up.."
"Anytime mate.."
So it had come down to this, taking a dogs help for mba entrance prep!
"Anyways mate, I gotta go.. have a date..See her there?"
"That white dog?"
"Shes a BITCH you idiot.."
"Oh.. sorry.."
"I dont look at your girl and say - that MAN, do I?"
"Really sorry.. I didnt..er.. look down there.. at her.. er.."
"Dont you dare look there.. or you ll be dog meat... and that dog would be me!"
"I didnt mean to.. er.."
"Dont you see her curvy shape, her lovely doe eyes, even her whiskers are so cute.."
"Er.. I.. I.. I am not much into bitches you know.."
"Anyways, I dont have time for stupid humans like you.. I have a date.."
"What do you do on a date, if you dont mind me asking.. As in, apart from the licking and smelling each other's you know what.."
"Oh, we havent got there yet.. We are just getting to know each other.."
"I see.. So what are you gonna do today? Going some place swanky?"
"Lemme see, first we will chase a few trucks, then maybe cross the road and scare a few drivers, after that I will take her to Hiranandani, some garbage cans they have, I tell you.. You should take your girl there sometime..."
"Umm.. I dont think she will be interested in garbage much.."
"Dont be so sure..!! Shes interested in you!!! bow wow woowwhoww..."
"Dont you have to go chase cars or something?"
"Yeah.. my bitch is waiting.. bye then.."
"Yeah, ..Even I have to buy stuff.."
"Too much Chinese noodles is not good for your health btw.."
"Umm, is it? People in China always eat Chinese food , ofcourse, there they just call it food.. The point being nothing happens to them.."
"They dont grow tall.. Someone like you would be tall, dark and handsome there.. or atleast tall, dark.."
"Hmm.. so I will reduce my noodles intake. Thanks 'wise one'. Can I call you that?"
"Is it sarcastic?"
"Pretty much..."
"Okay."
"bye."
"bow."
As I watched them walk away into the sunset, I couldnt help think of a similar pair in the human context..
Yes, Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty..
Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary
Current Issues: dog, hey dog, richard gere, shilpa shetty
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Anonymous said...
man this dog series is turning out into such a wonder.. btw, i have selected one of your posts for the"post of the year award" for the year 2008..
will feature that post of yours with a small write up about you.. so please mail me your present photo along with a few lines abt you ..
i will add it up in my page with my own masala..
happyz said...
I belive theres a film coming up with your dogs posts !!! "A real SlumDog"
Nice as usual....
Hey by the way I updated my blog with a few photos (My friends forced me to write a blog and now to post photos) I have bin quite bizi u c :D ...
HIREN aka lamda said...
decent....
Anonymous said...
ANother great post. GD/PI hmmmm. From which all colleges. Hope its IIM's :). and yeah its better to talk to hindu newpaper dog than a TOI dog :P
Bullshee said...
a)GD/PI? how many calls?
b)Reference to Chinese TDH!! Woo hoo!!
c)Ha ha ha....I loved the bit where you explained how the dog knew about Big Brother, coz thats the question that popped into my head when I read that line!! How did the dog know?
Srinivas said...
Congrats!!! Congrats!! for winning the Post of the year award!!!
Well, I realy love this Hey dog series...what next>?
Srinivas said...
@thoorika:Oh wat an idea!Do u think that dog will be posting all this in its blog also?
Arshat Chaudhary said...
@chriz
wow! sounds like fun.. your masala and all eh?! ;)
@happyz
fotos? i didnt get it on ur blog? u didnt write that post kya?
@hiren
Thanks
@Thoorika
He must be saying.. "Keep away from that son of a woman.."
@santosh..
I missed the DI cutoff by a whisker.. so no IIM calls :(
Expecting calls from other top instis :)
@bullshee..
no IIM calls yet..baki calls i m expecting
@sri
Thanks man.. :)
Winnie the poohi said...
oh man you are too good!
Read all three.. i was supposed to sleep now :D :D
Shal keep coming back :D
Akanksha said...
Nice blog u have here!Loved the doggy post..read the other one too!