Biological clockitis is a dangerous condition which affects men around the age 25. It can strike anywhere between 22 years and 29 years.
The first case reported can be traced back to stone age. Stoneman Hakunuma, who was 18 and still unmarried, was suffering from severe biological clockitis. Most of his friends had married by 14(this is the stoneage we are talking about) and were proud fathers of 3 kids on an average. Everytime Hakunuma looked at their pretty daughters wearing frocks made of deer skin and earrings made of sea shells, he was struck by Biological clockitis.
I am struck by Biological clockitis. My biological clock is ticking, or so it seems. I see kids everywhere. In my colony, in malls, railway stations, everywhere.. There are times when I wonder where did they all come from all of a sudden.. I keep looking at cute girls in frilly pink frocks and pink hairbands.. Sometimes, rarely that is, I do manage to charm a few of them and get to pinch their cheeks or unruffle their hair, but thats about it.. Most of the times I just keep looking at them
You so want a kid, dont u?
Well, no ones looking, lets take this one..
freaks her out totally..
Symptoms
You look at cute kids even when you are with friends.. Even when they are discussing topics as interesting as Sehwag's receding hairline and its remedies, you cant stop looking at the cute 5 year old kid who just went past you.
You have this unexplainable urge to lift her up and plant a peck on her cheek.
You spend more time looking at cute kids than looking at the pretty one you are with.(Detrimental to your plans of actually having a kid, I tell you)
I dont wanna have a daughter. I want a son. Well before you spell male chauvinist pig, let me explain why..
You see, having a daughter is really tough. Things are alright till they are 12 and usually use adjectives like ewww and yuck for boys, things cant be better, trust me.
But then, they turn 13, yeah, this is one more reason the number 13 is dreaded the world over, hormones kick in and suddenly she starts finding boys interesting, she starts associating the words - cute, cool and butt with boys.
Butt... hmm.. tht reminds me, if internet is still the "in" thing in the year 2025, and if you are the guy whos presently dating my daughter(reading this post), whispering sweet nothings in my daughter's ears, well trust me, I ll kick your butt so hard, that you ll smell shoe leather for weeks..
(Hmm.. that should reduce his testosterone levels for now)
Okay! So let me get this straight - u like these cute girls with ponies and pink clips, but you dont want a daughter?
Correct.. I dont wanna have a daughter. I like these girls coz they are not my daughters. They are someone elses' daughter. I like someone elses' daughter, for example, well, lets say- You.. You are someone elses' daughter, and i like u..
Here he goes again..
Speaking of pink clips, why dont you get one? will look cute...
Causes
Increased estrogen levels.. Simple! I have increased estrogen levels and that is why I am suffering from Biological clockitis. Now dont you dare call me girlie, or call stoneman Hakunuma girlie for that matter. We are/were(since Hakunuma is no more) nice strong men with a phenomenal desire for Scarlett Johanson(yeah baby).
We have decent facial hair growth, though not as much as Suniel Shetty does. We drink directly out of the carton unless our mothers/sisters are present around, coz they dont "allow" us to.
Recommended Diet-
Looking at pictures of Arnold, Suniel Shetty and watching non-sensical movies like Jo bole so nihal is recommended.
Keep away from girls aged 3 to 7, infact use this oppurtunity to concentrate your energies on girls aged 21 to 23..
Dont charm a girl aged 3 to 7 to shake hands with you, never accept a peck on the cheek from pretty girls with pretty pink frocks, and under no circumstances, I repeat, under no circumstances, should you let them sit on your lap. If you do, you will reach the last stage of Biological clockitis and before you know it, you will be applying for Santa's post in Malls..
Treatment
Well, there is no treatment really. The only treatment is to get your own kid.. And that is a long procedure.. Though stealing is an option.. :P So I suggest you wait till your parents start seeing you as a potential grandchildren manufacturer and get you hitched.. or work on the recommended diet to lower your estrogen levels.
Let me try and influence you now- with sons, u get them to teach them swing bowling and kick-boxing. You get to discuss about world issues and Pamela anderson.. You get to play games on PS2 and beat them, you get to beat them at chess and beat them at cricket and monopoly, see? just talking bout it makes me feel better.. Darn, sounds more like I want a playmate than a son.. :P
Now, just to be fair, lets also look at the pros of having a daughter. They are pretty, provided they dont get my looks. They hug you when you come back from office, they tell you how much they missed you and stuff when you come back home from a long business trip. You can make sit on your lap and tell her stories bout princes, glass slippers and pumpkins. Also, its always okay to kiss a daughter, no matter what age she is, which is not so in case of a son, unless you are Italian, ofcourse.
Fathers want their boys to behave like men as soon as they stop pooping in their pants, but their daughters always remain their little girls - thats where the phrase "Daddy's little girl" comes from. Ever heard "Daddy's little boy"? Sounds supergay if you ask me.
The cons are too many.. I spent all my time and genes to help her become what she is, and then some guy comes along and takes her away.. I no longer get to run the show.. No longer am I her #1. Some guy who she met yesterday sweeps her off her feet and gets to keep her all her life. The father, has to live without her. I have seen fathers cry when their girls leave them, to spend the rest of her life with the man shes in love with, to lose her surname and to take up his. They say girls grow up fast. Thats so not true. Girls grow up only as fast as boys, its only that fathers dont want their daughters to grow up.. They always want them to be their small girls... I have seen fathers cry. I cant be them. I cant be them.
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This is lovely father-daughter song. Check it out here. Thanks to Purnima for this one.
Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary
Current Issues: girls, Scarlett Johanson, song
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Anonymous said...
awwee this reminded me of the movie Father of the Bride.. :)
iceprincess said...
aaaawww man!!
supercool...i too dont want my dad to cry.or for that matter even u...
no..wait..i want dad to cry on my bidaai...otherwise i will be supersad!!!
neways..cool one,mate...
and bless u with pretty daughters!!!
Sumit said...
hey arshat , nice pics- cute and gorgeous....you can take your pick on which one. Last time i said i can really relate to your posts. Sad, but cant say the same this time.Maybe coz I am just 20 now and the last time i heard anything sounding even remotely similiar to 'bio' was way back in class ix(thankfully) and then also took interest in only one chapter( I dont need to elaborate do I ?)
And yes I will like a son actually, probably coz i can make him a cricketer i could never be ..But come to think of it , a Mithali Raj or a Laila Ali wouldnt be that bad either...
though the last time i went weak in my knees was when i saw my little niece( incidently she happens to be a girl)
Cess said...
very very funny and cute post, so tell me... when are u gonna turn as a grandchild manufacturer (lol to that btw)?
and where did u heard that italians man were kissing their sons????
C
Ashish Gourav said...
Hey Arshat really a trouble mate :P
But my suggestion "Make your parents read this post" heeheee and yes despite of everything I'd like to be a father of a sweeeet girl...
BTW u its who haven't blogrolled me :( :(
SRI said...
Yeah there a tamil movie too called "Abiyum naanum" which has lovely story about Dad and daughter...
Wishing arshad to you have more daughters soon!!!
totalliemeh said...
i read this one;)..the post was really sweet. thats the first time i heard(read) a guy talk stuff like this..very nice song too...
guess u will make a very good father..
it would be interesting if ur daughter sometime in future reads this post...
a big smile on my face...:)
Arshat Chaudhary said...
@the pink orchid
I havent seen the movie, heard its very good.. The next time it shows, I m watching it..
@iceprincess
Aw, I think no dad can do without crying at his daughters wedding..
@sumit
I can understand. I think it starts to tick once u are in your mid 20s. You are young, concentrate ur energies towards 20 yr old girls :)
Cricketer eh? Best of luck for that.. :)
@Ashish
hehehe.. thanks for the suggestion mate..Oops! my bad! will do that at the earliest :)
@SRI
yeah, my friend was telling bout that movie yesterday.. I gotta see that one. With subtitles ofcourse :)
@damsel in distress
Well, lets hope shes not too turned off by my grammar :P
Thoorika said...
You keep repeating that you want a son but in the end, you will be telling princess stories to daddy's girl only.. !! :D
Cess said...
u haven t reply to my comment :(
Anonymous said...
Yaar!
I dont u'stand..guys love lil cute gals..but they wud always prefer to have a boy kid??
Beautiful post!!
Some relations are difficult to put in words and tat too wid humorous touch..!!
U have done it...
It's lovely :-)
Anonymous said...
Awesome post!! :) I dont wanna cry too, but would love to have a baby daughter! :)
Hilarious title!! :D
Arshat Chaudhary said...
@cess
hey! sorry bout that!:)
They show men kissing men (on the cheeks, tht is) in Italian mafia movies.. :P
HIREN aka lamda said...
dude, dis post looks straight 4m some Karan Johar classics..
:p
btw nice post..
liked readin it..
1 more thn..
hope u hv a daughter & i hv a son who is a bigger flirt thn me & he shuld date ur daughter....
now dat'll b some headache 4 u...
wat say????
Anonymous said...
"father of the bride" is good one... me n my dad watched n cried together... and this post was damn interesting !!! nice analysis doc ;)
Elithraniel Arawion said...
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww sooo cute
Anonymous said...
wonderful post. Being a Daddy's girl I can say all that is indeed true.
Aman said...
that seemed straight out of a movie...hilarious dude
Nautanki sssaala said...
arre don't tell me this thing is a real phenomenon. even i've spotted myself staring at cute little girls in malls and wanting to buy them an ice-cream cone, while their fathers give a "get away from her you ugly bastard" look. i thought there was something seriously wrong with me. but thanks to you, now i know it's nothing but biological clockitis (:D), and happens to other people too. phew...
Nikita said...
Awww that's the cutest post I ever read. I am sure I will come back frequently to this post.
I think you will be a great Dad :)
Anonymous said...
i loved the post.. :P
Harish said...
If I remember correctly,(Hiranandani was it?) we had discussed the different postures to be used for a boy and a girl while doing 'it'..So go ahead and adopt the one u desire :P
Arshat Chaudhary said...
@hiren
Well, I got a headache already.. A mini hiren near my daughter.. now tht is gonna give em nightmares :P
@Pretty Me!!
I have to watch tht movie now!!! Everybody seems to have loved it..
@Elithraniel Arawion
:)
@opinionsandexpressions
wow.. I was wondering what girls would feel bout wht I have written. Thankfully you agree to my opinions :)
@Aman
hehehe.. glad u like it man..
@Nikita
I hope so too :)
@Anonymous
Thank you :)
@Harish
Okay.. for guys readin this, we didnt actually "discuss" positions.. :P
Akansha Agrawal said...
Aww.... it's a cute post... :)
Have two kids, a daughter and a son, so much more easier... you get all the love and affection from a daughter and a playmate too... :D
Arshat Chaudhary said...
@nautanki saala
hehehe... u actually wanna buy them ice cream cones? man, i cant even gather the guts to talk to them or shake hands with them.. its like..like.. its high school all over again! :P
@Akansha
wow! thats it! thats the ultimate answer to all my problems.. no wonder u r in IIT :)
left unseen yet seen because.... said...
aww...so sweeettt