This is a guest post by my daughter. I first thought what would she know, but then she knows some mean shortcuts. That day she pressed 3 random keys and the display on the laptop got inverted by 180 degrees. She also has shortcuts to delete a file permanently and change the layout of a ppt. So I assumed this super sharp baby should be allowed to share her thoughts with other babies. So here goes -
Hi,
I just turned 9 months old. I was under the impression that I was 18 months old, someone then told me I am not allowed to count the time I spent in my mom's tummy. That sucks. This advice would have sounded sagely coming from a much older baby.
I recommend you hear the original here.
Newborns of 2015,
Wear Diaper Rash cream.
If I could Offer you one tip for the future.... Diaper Rash cream would be IT. The long term benefits of Diaper Rash cream have been proved by mothers. Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own soft bottom.
I will dispense this advice now
Refuse to eat whatever is being presented to you. Eat from Daddy's plate instead. Don't let him eat. remember you are growing up, he's just growing old.
Point at crows, pigeons, stray dogs and make noises like you are challenging them to a fight. When the dog starts walking towards you, get very scared and hide in Daddy's arms.
Repeat.
Lick mom's cheek whenever she lets her guard down.
Pick dirty from every nick and corner of the furniture and taste it.
There will be a very small window between changing diapers. Make sure you do potty/susu right then. It requires the concentration of a sage and the stomach muscles of a samurai. Practice will make perfect.
Dont worry if you miss it by a few seconds, you will get them next time.
Cry.
Wipe runny nose on daddy's shirt when he's not looking. Don't sleep when it is sleepy time. Cry if someone tries to get you to sleep.
Get exercise. This is the only time in your lives when exercise is someone massaging you with oil.
Do.not.let.them.touch.your.head.It's.sacred.
Maybe you crawl, maybe you wont. Maybe you lay there comfortable, maybe you get scared by a balloon. Whatever you do, dont forget you cry you get fed.
Fart.
Play with Daddy's phone. Play with Mommy's phone.
Press random keys while they are working on the laptop. 10 years from now, they wont remember the worksheets you accidentally deleted.
Compel adults to learn to understand your language. Make an effort to understand theirs.
Drool.
Touch everything you arent supposed to. Throw caution to the winds.
Wake up 3 times a night.
Put your finger inside daddy's nostril.
But trust me on the Diaper Rash Cream.
Editor in chief Arshat Chaudhary
Current Issues: baby, dog, down the memory lane, monkey, my best posts, Viral tags 0 letters to the editor
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